Next Request for Critique/Poof read

Hello all,

I'm back again I've been doing quite a bit of work to learn the rules of grammer and writing. It is my hope that this next critque will be better than the last one.


The format she request is three paragraphs. The first paragraph will be facts about the story and author. The second paragraph is my response and thoughts on the story. The third paragraph is to be any emotional response or memory that the story provoked.


Thank you in advice for your assistance,
Michael Anderson


I just finished reading the short story titled, “My Mother Never Worked” by Bonnie Smith-Yackel. First published in Women: A Journal of Liberation in 1975, the story is about a daughter whose mother recently passed away . It begins with the daughter on the telephone with the social security office so that she can collect the death benefits that she expects to be given since her mother's death. The narrator then reflects back and gives us a detailed outline of her mother's life while she is sitting on hold with the social security office. We learn of the problems she faced with the choice marriage, and how her life was after marriage. We then find out about her married life, including the dates that she had her children, the dates when she moved from one home to another, and the type of work she performed as a farmer's wife. The story attempts to show, that while the government only considers work to be a job in which wages are taxed, there is in fact many forms of work. Through her story Mrs. Smith-Yackel has shown that you do not have to pay taxes to be a hard worker.

After reading this story a couple times now, I find it very difficult to form an opinion about the story itself. I really admire the topic of the thesis, and I do believe that Mrs. Smith-Yackel made her feelings very clear on the subject. The problems I have with this story is in the details. I consider this account of her mother's life to be wordy and too detailed. It felt like I was reading the same thing, repeatatly with different words. The entire point of the story was to show, that while her mother never worked by government standards, she did work extremely hard in her role in life. This point was made early on, and I think she could have summed up all the work throughout the years in a much more concise manner. Althought I did not enjoy the style of writing in this story, I am glad I read it for I learned something I have never before considered, I think ultimately that was the author's goal when she wrote this.

While I thought that the story was overly detail orientated, I will admit that it did bring up some fond memories from my childhood. On most weekends my family and I would pack up and visit my great-grandmother's home in rural Mississippi. While we were there we would help tend the gardens, bring in the harvest, and then shell and freeze the vegetables for the months to come. I can still recall those memories so vividly, the smells that came from the kitchen in the mornings, the sights of the corn growing so tall you could not see over it, and sound of the animals made at feeding time. I can remember lying in a bed with a feathered mattress, my head resting on soft feathered pillows. The details about the life of the narrators mother, and her family closely resemble what I grew up with. I still have family who are farmers, and lead a life very much life this.Although those were great times in my life, and fond memories I will always cherish, I do not believe that sort of hard-working life is for me.