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I am writing my first screen play. I am using Final Draft. I have a lot of questions. But I will start with two.
First:
A friend read my first act. She thought I should include a lot more actions such as character's gestures, where they are looking, standing, expressions etc. I am under the impression that this is the province of the director and actors.
I have put in such actions where I think they are necessary to understand the action but for the most part very few. What do you think?
Second:
I have a scene where the sound track and dialog continues over short cuts, one or two seconds, of another scene that are edited in. This is similar to the baptism scene in Godfather wher the dialog of the baptism continues over the cuts of the purge of Moe Green and the other enemies of the God Father. How do you indicate this in the screen play?

~~
"Now is the time the tries men's souls." Tom Paine

Marc

Usenet · Accepted Answer

The words you put in the subject line describe you, not the subject of youre post.
[nq:1]I am writing my first screen play.[/nq]
Good for you.
[nq:1]First: A friend read my first act. She thought I should include a lot more actions such as character's gestures, where they are looking, standing, expressions etc. I am under the impression that this is the province of the director and actors.[/nq]
You're probably right.
[nq:1]I have put in such actions where I think they are necessary to understand the action but for the most part very few. What do you think?[/nq]
Look at your sentence. You talk about two different things: (1) "such actions ... necessary to understand the action" and (2) "the action." But they're the same thing. You may think that the only action is the bad guy comming through the door. But whether your good guy looks at the bad guy or ignores the bad guy is action itself. If you think you need to explain that the good guy looks at the bad guy walks in the door, you're missing the point that what is most important is whether the good guy looks or not. You're making like you have a story, then you have to explain the story. Meld the two everything that happens *is* the story. If it needs to be explained, then you haven't told the story properly.
[nq:1]I have a scene where the sound track and dialog continues over short cuts, one or two seconds, of another ... of Moe Green and the other enemies of the *** Father. How do you indicate this in the screen play?[/nq]
Whoa, Dawg. You're editing. "Cuts" and "sound track" and "dialogue continues" are none of your damned business. Just write what happens. Let the director and editor decide how to explain it.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I am writing my first screen play. I am using Final Draft. I have a lot of questions. But I ... I think they are necessary to understand the action but for the most part very few. What do you think?[/nq]
You're right.
[nq:1]Second: I have a scene where the sound track and dialog continues over short cuts, one or two seconds, of ... of Moe Green and the other enemies of the *** Father. How do you indicate this in the screen play?[/nq]
You probably already answered this one yourself: "I am under the impression that this is the province of the director..."

Until a real screenplay writer gets up here you might want to read the Godfather script and see how they did it.
http://www.joblo.com/moviescripts archives.php?first letter=g

My guess is something like this:
INT. LIVING ROOM NIGHT
A Christmas tree sits in front of frosted windows.

FRANK sits in an easy-chair with a sleepy boy on his lap and reads from a picture book.
FRANK
Twas the night before Christmas, and
all through the house, not a creature
was stirring...
INT. INSIDE LIVING ROOM WALL CONTINUOUS
A mouse sleeps on a little bed.
FRANK (V.O.)
...not even a mouse.
If you're brave you might want to post a sample of your script and ask for critiques. You can get some good advice here.

Good luck.

Paulo Joe Jingy

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I am writing my first screen play. I am using Final Draft. I have a lot of questions. But I will start with two.[/nq]
Welcome aboard.
[nq:1]First: A friend read my first act. She thought I should include a lot more actions such as character's gestures, where they are looking, standing, expressions etc. I am under the impression that this is the province of the director and actors.[/nq]
Best answer is also the simplest - read a lot of published (web or otherwise) screenplays. Drew's Script-o-rama, The Daily Script, etc, will have hundreds for you to look over; get a feel for what action, and how much, is appropriate. It's an art, and the people you have to impress are people who read screenplays every day, not civilians offering advice.
[nq:1]Second: I have a scene where the sound track and dialog continues over short cuts, one or two seconds, of ... of Moe Green and the other enemies of the *** Father. How do you indicate this in the screen play?[/nq]
Generally speaking, you don't. To the extent that you do, you can start with a slugline or mini-slug that indicates "montage" or "series of shots" and describe the shots specifically. This is a VERY over-used device, and is painfully common in first screenplays. Think hard about leaving it out.

Life Continues, Despite
Evidence to the Contrary
Steven

Usenet · Answer

Thanks all for your comments.

~~
"Now is the time the tries men's souls." Tom Paine

Marc

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