Need someone`s help to correct my essay

Question

hello everybody!my teacher told us to give our essay to someone for checking it before we give it to him!!!!!  i know i probably have a lot of mistakes, please help me to revise my essay and may be to change some things in it because sometimes i think i don`t use right words or expressions or i don`t build my sentence right at all.Significant event, 5 paragraphs...Moving to USAThere are many people in the world today believe that anyone looks for romance online is lonely and desperate for companionship. I was not from that category and my meeting with my husband was completely accidental. The first time when I saw Barry`s picture, he reminds me an innocent child with big blue eyes and wide smile on his face. The longer we talked the more we understood that we had a lot in common and shared the same dreams; and in a few months we realized that we want to be together. Unfortunately we lived in different countries and I had to make a hard decision and move to the United States after I get my fiancée visa.The first time going to the USA was also the first time in which I have flown, and of course, I was very scared to go by air after all horrible news of airplane crushes. Once I got onto the plane and sat down, I started thinking about my family, friends, my school and job I left for a man I wanted to be with and I hoped that we can work out everything that it will be on our way. After everyone got settle into their seats, the stewardess came over the intercom and explained all of the safety procedures including how to put the seat belts on correctly. As the plane approached the runaway I started to get really scared if I make this trip safe. By the time the plane had reached cruising altitude I relaxed, and it was the beginning of my forever-long boring trip to unknown future.  In an hour of our flight, all the passengers relaxed and started talking to each other. I sat with a Russian man from circus who was flying with his team and planning to travel in USA for half a year with their new show. I was happy to have such an interesting conversation with someone I barely knew, because it helped the time passed by faster. About quarter way through the trip the stewardess came around and served everyone`s food and drinks. After all, I was so exhausted that I even could not think about anything else but sleep. A sound of guitar and professional singer`s voice woke me up and I saw a group of people, standing around middle-aged woman with red-hair, enjoying her singing. She was interrupted with the stewardess` announcement that we have to sit down and put the belts on; therefore everybody was a little disappointed but happy their trip is coming to an end. My destination was 30 minutes away!Finally, we landed successfully in Atlanta`s Airport where I had to pass special corridor for people with a type of visa like I had. It took a while to talk to all those people and show all my documents I had with me. I was completely lost in the airport looking at all the doors and gates it has and I was scared to lose my luggage because I had a lot of things that were meaningful and important to me. The closer I was to the exit the more excited and scared I was. I hoped my boyfriend came to the airport and still was waiting for me because I knew nobody in the USA except him.   When I noticed a lot of people facing towards to my direction I realized this is the final hall I had to pass and I started looking for Barry. After eleven-hour trip I did not look pretty at all: tired face, wrinkled clothes and messed up hair which made me feel uncomfortable in front of my husband-to-be. He was standing with a big bouquet of roses with that big and beautiful smile on his face I remembered from his last visit to Russia. We stood hugging each other for several minutes and talking about my trip and hard time we had living apart. Barry grabbed my luggage and we walked towards the exit. In that moment, I thought a lot about our bright future and little about difficulties I am going to have adapting to a new culture. I never regret about my choice and my moving to America. It is the most memorable event in my life!

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

I have underlined some problem areas and crossed out inappropriate verbiage:

Moving to USA

There are many people in the world today believe that anyone looks for romance online is lonely and desperate for companionship. I was not from that category and my meeting ~~with~~ my husband was completely accidental. The first time when I saw Barry`s picture, he reminds me an innocent child with big blue eyes and wide smile on his face. The longer we talked the more we understood that we had a lot in common and shared the same dreams; and in a few months we realized that we want to be together. Unfortunately we lived in different countries and I had to make a hard decision and move to the United States after I get my fiancée visa.

The first time going to the USA was also the first time ~~in which~~ I have flown, and of course, I was very scared to go by air after all horrible news of airplane crushes. Once I got onto the plane and sat down, I started thinking about my family, friends, my school and job I left for a man I wanted to be with and I hoped that we can work out everything ~~that it will be~~ on our way. After everyone got settle into their seats, the stewardess came over the intercom and explained all of the safety procedures including how to put the seat belts on correctly. As the plane approached the runaway I started to get really scared if I make this trip safe. By the time the plane had reached cruising altitude I relaxed, and it was the beginning of my ~~forever-~~long boring trip to unknown future.

In an hour ~~of our flight~~, all the passengers relaxed and started talking to each other. I sat with a Russian man from circus who was flying with his team and planning to travel in USA for half a year with their new show. I was happy to have such an interesting conversation with someone I barely knew, because it helped the time passed by faster. About quarter way through the trip the stewardess came around and served everyone`s food and drinks. ~~After all,~~ I was so exhausted that I even could not think about anything else but sleep. A sound of guitar and professional singer`s voice woke me up and I saw a group of people, standing around middle-aged woman with red-hair, enjoying her singing. She was interrupted with the stewardess` announcement that we have to sit down and put the belts on; therefore everybody was a little disappointed but happy their trip is coming to an end. My destination was 30 minutes away!

Finally, we landed successfully in Atlanta~~`s Airport~~ where I had to pass special corridor for people with a type of visa ~~like~~ I had. It took a while to talk to all those people and show all my documents ~~I had with me~~. I was completely lost in the airport looking at all the doors and gates ~~it has~~ and I was scared to lose my luggage because I had a lot of things that were meaningful and important to me. The closer I was to the exit the more excited and scared I was. I hoped my boyfriend came to the airport and still was waiting for me because I knew nobody in the USA except him.

When I noticed a lot of people facing ~~towards to~~ in my direction I realized this is the final hall I had to pass and I started looking for Barry. After eleven-hour trip I did not look pretty at all: tired face, wrinkled clothes and messed up hair which made me feel uncomfortable in front of my husband-to-be. He was standing with a big bouquet of roses with that big ~~and~~ beautiful smile on his face I remembered from his last visit to Russia. We stood hugging each other for several minutes and talking about my trip and hard time we had living apart. Barry grabbed my luggage and we walked towards the exit. In that moment, I thought a lot about our bright future and little about difficulties I am going to have adapting to a new culture. I never regret ~~about~~ my choice and my moving to America. It is the most memorable event in my life!

Your essay is quite good, actually. Many of my underlinings mark missing commas.

Opulya · Answer

thank you! i was not sure about some places you marked so i did not figure out what did i miss there... could you give me a clue or answer what i did worng in those places...

i marked my correction with red color and bolted words are that places i dont know what to do with them... i am not sure, could you please check all the punctuation in my essay, it seems to me that some long sentences are missing commas or maybe other punctuation... i have a hard time to find the right words sometimes for my essay, maybe that is why i can not find the mistake you marked for me.

Moving to the USA

There are many people in the world today believe that anyone looks for romance online is lonely and desperate for companionship. I was not in that category, and my meeting my husband was completely accidental. The first time, when I saw Barry`s picture, he reminds me an innocent child with the big blue eyes and the wide smile on his face. The longer we talked the more we understood that we had a lot in common and shared the same dreams; and in a few months we realized that we wanted to be together. Unfortunately we lived in different countries, and I had to make a hard decision and move to the United States after I got my fiancée visa.

The first time going to the USA was also the first time I have flown, and of course, I was very scared to go by air after, all horrible, news of airplane crashes. Once I got onto the plane and sat down, I started thinking about my family, friends, my school and job I left for a man I wanted to be with, and I hoped that we could work out everything in our way. After everyone got sat into their seats, the stewardess came over the intercom and explained all of the safety procedures, including how to put the seat belts on correctly. As the plane approached the runaway I started to get really scared if we made this trip safe. By the time the plane had reached cruising altitude I relaxed, and it was the beginning of my long boring trip to the unknown future.

In an hour, all the passengers relaxed and started talking to each other. I sat with a Russian man from circus who was flying with his team and planning to travel in the USA for half a year with their new show. I was happy to have such an interesting conversation with someone I barely knew, because it helped the time passes by faster. In quarter way through the trip, the stewardess came around and served everyone food and drinks. I was so exhausted that I even could not think about anything else but sleep. A sound of a guitar and a professional singer`s voice woke me up, and I saw a group of people standing around middle-aged woman with red hair, enjoying her singing. She was interrupted with the stewardess` announcement that we had to sit down and put the belts on; therefore everybody was a little disappointed but happy their trip was coming to an end. My destination was 30 minutes away!

Finally, we landed successfully at Atlanta where I had to pass special corridor for people with type of visa I had. It took a while to talk to all those people and show all my documents. I was completely lost in the airport looking at all the doors and gates, and I was scared to lose my luggage, because I had a lot of things that were meaningful and important to me. The closer I was to the exit the more excited and scared I was. I hoped my boyfriend came to the airport and still was waiting for me, because I knew nobody in the USA except him.

When I noticed a lot of people facing in my direction, I realized it was the final hall I had to pass, and I started looking for Barry. After eleven-hour trip, I did not look pretty at all: tired face, wrinkled clothes and messed up hair, which made me feel uncomfortable in front of my husband-to-be. He was standing with a big bouquet of roses with that big beautiful smile on his face I remembered from his last visit to Russia. We stood hugging each other for several minutes and talking about my trip and hard time we had living apart. Barry grabbed my luggage, and we walked towards the exit. In that moment, I thought a lot about our bright future and little about difficulties I was going to have adapting to a new culture. I never regret my choice and my moving to America. It is the most memorable event in my life!

Mister Micawber · Answer

Further corrections in bold:

Moving to the USA

There are many people in the world today who believe that anyone who looks for romance online is lonely and desperate for companionship. I was not in that category, and my meeting my husband was completely accidental. The first time I saw Barry`s picture, he reminded me of an innocent child with his big blue eyes and wide smile. The longer we talked the more we understood that we had a lot in common and shared the same dreams, and in a few months we realized that we wanted to be together. Unfortunately, we lived in different countries, and I had to make a hard decision and move to the United States after I got my fiancée visa.

The first time going to the USA was also the first time I have flown, and of course I was very scared to go by air after all the horrible news of airplane crashes. Once I got onto the plane and sat down, I started thinking about my family and friends, my school and the job I left for the man I wanted to be with, and I hoped that we could work out every obstacle in our way. After everyone got seated, the stewardess came over the intercom and explained all of the safety procedures, including how to put the seat belts on correctly. As the plane approached the runaway, I started to get really scared that we would not make the trip safely. By the time the plane reached cruising altitude I relaxed, and it was the beginning of my long, boring trip to an unknown future.

In an hour, all the passengers relaxed and started talking with each other. I sat with a Russian man from a circus, who was flying with his team and planning to travel in the USA for half a year with their new show. I was happy to have such an interesting conversation with someone I barely knew, because it helped the time pass by faster. A quarter of the way through the trip, the stewardess came around and served everyone food and drinks. I was so exhausted that I could not even think about anything but sleep. The sound of a guitar and a professional singer's voice woke me up, and I saw a group of people gathered around a middle-aged woman with red hair, enjoying her singing. She was interrupted by the stewardess's announcement that we had to sit down and put our seat belts on; everybody was a little disappointed but happy their trip was coming to an end. My destination was 30 minutes away!

Finally, we landed successfully at Atlanta, where I had to pass down a special corridor for people with my type of visa. It took a while to talk to all those people and show all my documents. I was completely lost in the airport, looking at all the doors and gates, and I was scared to lose my luggage, because I had a lot of things that were important to me. The closer I got to the exit the more excited and scared I was. I hoped my boyfriend had come to the airport and was still waiting for me, because I knew nobody in the USA except him.

When I noticed a lot of people looking in my direction, I realized it was the final hall, and I started looking for Barry. After my eleven-hour trip, I did not look pretty at all: I had a tired face, wrinkled clothes and messed-up hair, which made me feel uncomfortable in front of my husband-to-be. He was standing with a big bouquet of roses and with the big beautiful smile on his face that I remembered from his last visit to Russia. We stood hugging each other for several minutes and talking about my trip and the hard time we had living apart. Barry grabbed my luggage, and we walked towards the exit. In that moment, I thought a lot about our bright future and little about the difficulties I was going to have adapting to a new culture. I will never regret my choice and my moving to America. It is the most memorable event in my life!

Opulya · Answer

thank you s much!

i am a little confused with a few senteces you corrected...

I finally saw him standing with a big bouquet of roses and that big beautiful smile on his face, that I remembered very well since his last visit to Russia. ( can we put which? or both are correct?)

In that moment I thought a lot about our bright future and little about the possible difficulties that I was going to experience adapting to unfamiliar strange culture. I will never regret my choice of moving to America nor would I change anything if I even could. ( the possible... i thought if i did not talk about some things before, i can not use the... in a 2nd sentence... why did you use future time? if my essay was written in the past time i thought i supposed to use only past time and nothing else)

i made some changes in my essay. what do you think about it? could you look through the essay for mistakes and punctuation as well?

thanks a lot!

Nowadays, many people in the world believe that anyone looks for romance online is lonely and desperate for companionship. However, I was not in that category. In fact, meeting my husband online was completely accidental. When I saw Barry`s picture for the first time, he somewhat reminded me of an innocent happy child with his big blue eyes and wide genuine smile on his face. The longer we talked the better we knew each other. Barry and I had a lot in common; we shared the same hopes and dreams. In a few months we realized that we meant to be together. Unfortunately, we lived in different countries, and, therefore, I had to make a difficult decision to move to the United States.

The first time going to the USA was also the first time going by air. Naturally, even thinking about perspective flying made me pretty frightened, especially after all those horrible news of airplane crashes and terrorist attacks. Once I got onto the plane and sat down, I started thinking about my family, friends, my school and the job that I left behind for the man I wanted to be with. I really hoped that everything would work out well between us because I sacrificed a lot for this relationship. After everyone got seated, the stewardess came over the intercom and explained various safety procedures, including how to put the seat belts on correctly. As the plane approached the runaway I began to feel seriously nervous about the idea of making this flight safely. Yet, by the time the plane had reached cruising altitude I got relaxed. The rest of air travel seemed quite long and boring.

In an hour, all the passengers were relaxed and started talking with each other making funny jokes and giving practical advices to the first time visitors of the United States. I was sitting next to a Russian man who was flying to the United States with his circus team in order to perform. They were planning to travel around the country for about six months with their new show. I was pleased to have such an interesting travel companion and to be able to have engaging conversation with someone I barely knew. Being able to chat during a long flight not only took my mind off disturbing worries but also helped the time pass faster. A quarter of the way through the trip, the stewardess came around and served everyone food and beverages. I, finally, was so exhausted that I could think about nothing but sleep. Suddenly, the sound of guitar and a professional singer`s voice woke me up. I saw a group of people gathered around a middle-aged woman with red hair. Apparently, the group was enjoying her singing. Soon, she was interrupted by the stewardess` announcement that everyone had to sit down and put their seat belts on. People seemed a little disappointed and, at the same time, glad that their air travel was coming to an end. We were about to land. My destination was only 30 minutes away!

Finally, we landed successfully at Atlanta`s airport where I had to pass through an immigration procedure specifically for people with type of visa I had. It took a while to speak to all those immigration officers and to show them all my documents. Because I felt completely lost in the huge airport building, I was desperately looking at the signs, doors and endless hallways trying to find my way around. I was also afraid to discover that my luggage was lost. I brought along many things that were important to me and It would be sad to lose them. Luckily, there was no need to worry. When the business with the immigration and the luggage was over, I began to think about more pleasant things. The closer I got to the exit the more excited and anxious I was. I hoped my boyfriend had come to the airport and was still waiting for me because I knew nobody in this country except him.

When I noticed the crowd of people looking in my direction, I knew it was the place where I would see Barry. After an eleven-hour flight, my appearance was not as pretty as I'd like it to be. I had a tired face, my clothes had many wrinkles and my hair was totally messed-up. The whole thing made me feel very uncomfortable. I was not crazy about the idea of showing up looking like this in front of my husband-to-be. I finally saw him standing with a big bouquet of roses and that big beautiful smile on his face, that I remembered very well since his last visit to Russia. We stood hugging each other for several minutes, talking about my trip and sharing thoughts about our experiences while living apart. Barry grabbed my luggage, and we began to walk towards the door outside. In that moment I thought a lot about our bright future and little about the possible difficulties that I was going to experience adapting to unfamiliar strange culture. I will never regret my choice of moving to America nor would I change anything if I even could. It is the most memorable event in my life!

Need someone`s help to correct my essay

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