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Anonymous Posted 10 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Need someone to check my personal statement please :)
Hi ! I'm a French student and I have written my personal statement for undergraduate program. I'm applying for two different courses : Politics and International relations or just International Relations. Can anybody check it and correct the mistakes ? Thanks 
Whether it be in Europe, Africa or in America, walls are currently going up around the world which makes them appear as an undesirable effect of a more and more globalized world. Yet, cooperation is one of the key elements of the world functioning. Thus understanding how interactions between humans and, at a larger scale, countries work is clearly relevant.
During my teenage years, I started reading a French weekly entitled Courrier International proposing numerous translation and excerpts of articles from many and varied newspapers which is deeply attractive as you can compare different opinions. When I started high school, as I had sufficient skills to read journals written in English or Spanish – which I have been learning for 7 years now- I started to get interested in articles in the original language. That’s when studying international relations crossed my mind. Reading is one of the mains reasons why I started thinking to pursue a degree in this field and one particular book confirmed the idea that was running through my mind: Gilles Kepel’s Passion Arabe. On the occasion of numerous trips to various Arab countries, after the Arab spring in 2011, Kepel tells his experience there, and tries to understand the situation by meeting leading actors and everyday people. After achieving the reading of this book my goal was clearer, I wanted to become an international citizen able to understand the world I was living in.
Visiting several countries –England, Scotland, Spain, Malta, Japan, Portugal- reinforced my strong belief that I wanted to be an international student. The learning of 3 foreign languages – English, Spanish and Japanese – reinforced my will of pursuing a degree in the International Relations field. The Arab World, which is at the center of international quarrels, is also a zone and a culture that matters to me as my grandparents are from Algeria. It is obvious that Middle East issue can’t be handled without an international cooperation; that's why studying International Relations is my goal.
The complexity of the international dilemmas that might discourage some people is what I find particularly fascinating. Human rights, immigration, foreign policy, all aspects of International Relations get me enthusiastic and I look forward to learn more. I am intrigued by the way nations interact with each other in today’s interdependent world.
Moreover, I graduated with the French Baccalaureat last year and I currently attend higher school preparatory classes – ‘classes préparatoires’ in French – where I’m learning sociology, economy, history, philosophy and foreign languages, subjects that are engaging. I think that this formation gave me the necessary skills to follow your program.
Besides the academic skills that I have learnt, my hobbies helped me developing other competences. My involvement in my hometown music school, where I have been playing guitar for 5 years and my practice of horse-riding helped me getting the self-confidence that I will need to take part in your university life.
My involvement in associations such as the Red Cross and my part-time job consisting in giving private lessons to young pupils makes me a dynamic person. I am also part of Amnesty International’s Urgent Action Network, a group of people who act on emergency cases of human rights abuses worldwide.
Finally, I’m convinced that studying in English would be an infinite chance for me as I want to focus on international issue and pursue a career in this field. My ambition is to be work for an NGO or an International Organization such as the UN with a specific focus on assisting people who have been displaced due to various reasons. Be part of a such renowned institution as your college and gaining the necessary knowledge will surely give me the chance to reach my goal.
I hope to become an educated and open-minded person, and contribute to expand the world's limits and to become international.
Whether it be in Europe, Africa or in America, walls are currently going up around the world which makes them appear as an undesirable effect of a more and more globalized world. Yet, cooperation is one of the key elements of the world functioning. Thus understanding how interactions between humans and, at a larger scale, countries work is clearly relevant.
During my teenage years, I started reading a French weekly entitled Courrier International proposing numerous translation and excerpts of articles from many and varied newspapers which is deeply attractive as you can compare different opinions. When I started high school, as I had sufficient skills to read journals written in English or Spanish – which I have been learning for 7 years now- I started to get interested in articles in the original language. That’s when studying international relations crossed my mind. Reading is one of the mains reasons why I started thinking to pursue a degree in this field and one particular book confirmed the idea that was running through my mind: Gilles Kepel’s Passion Arabe. On the occasion of numerous trips to various Arab countries, after the Arab spring in 2011, Kepel tells his experience there, and tries to understand the situation by meeting leading actors and everyday people. After achieving the reading of this book my goal was clearer, I wanted to become an international citizen able to understand the world I was living in.
Visiting several countries –England, Scotland, Spain, Malta, Japan, Portugal- reinforced my strong belief that I wanted to be an international student. The learning of 3 foreign languages – English, Spanish and Japanese – reinforced my will of pursuing a degree in the International Relations field. The Arab World, which is at the center of international quarrels, is also a zone and a culture that matters to me as my grandparents are from Algeria. It is obvious that Middle East issue can’t be handled without an international cooperation; that's why studying International Relations is my goal.
The complexity of the international dilemmas that might discourage some people is what I find particularly fascinating. Human rights, immigration, foreign policy, all aspects of International Relations get me enthusiastic and I look forward to learn more. I am intrigued by the way nations interact with each other in today’s interdependent world.
Moreover, I graduated with the French Baccalaureat last year and I currently attend higher school preparatory classes – ‘classes préparatoires’ in French – where I’m learning sociology, economy, history, philosophy and foreign languages, subjects that are engaging. I think that this formation gave me the necessary skills to follow your program.
Besides the academic skills that I have learnt, my hobbies helped me developing other competences. My involvement in my hometown music school, where I have been playing guitar for 5 years and my practice of horse-riding helped me getting the self-confidence that I will need to take part in your university life.
My involvement in associations such as the Red Cross and my part-time job consisting in giving private lessons to young pupils makes me a dynamic person. I am also part of Amnesty International’s Urgent Action Network, a group of people who act on emergency cases of human rights abuses worldwide.
Finally, I’m convinced that studying in English would be an infinite chance for me as I want to focus on international issue and pursue a career in this field. My ambition is to be work for an NGO or an International Organization such as the UN with a specific focus on assisting people who have been displaced due to various reasons. Be part of a such renowned institution as your college and gaining the necessary knowledge will surely give me the chance to reach my goal.
I hope to become an educated and open-minded person, and contribute to expand the world's limits and to become international.
Top answer
) or in America, walls are currently going up around the world , which makes them appear as an undesirable effect of a more and more globalized world. Yet, cooperation is one of the key elements of the world functioning . ) Thus , understanding how interactions between humans and, at a larger scale, countries work is clearly relevant.
- ) or in America, walls are currently going up around the world , which makes them appear as an undesirable effect of a more and more globalized world.
- Yet, cooperation is one of the key elements of the world functioning .
- ) Thus , understanding how interactions between humans and, at a larger scale, countries work is clearly relevant.
- ) During my teenage years, I started reading a French weekly entitled Courrier International proposing which published numerous translation s and excerpts of articles from many and varied newspapers which is attracted me deeply attractive as I could you can compare different opinions.
- When I started high school, as I had sufficient skills to read journals written in English or Spanish and – which I have been learning for 7 years now - I started to get interested in articles in the original language.
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6 Answers
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Whether it be in Europe, Africa (I haven't heard about any walls being built in Africa.)
or in America, walls are currently going up around the world,which makes them appear as an undesirable effect of a more and more globalized world. Yet, cooperation is one of the key elements of the world functioning.(Do you mean a
or in America, walls are currently going up around the world,
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First of all, thank you for your quick answer! I did not realize I had made so many mistakes!
When I’m talking about Africa, I’m referring to the wall between Mozambique and South Africa.
Yes I mean a healthy world economy but the use of the word “functioning” is probably wrong…
I mean something pertinent, relevant to study. I don’t know if you understand what I mean.
When I’m talking about Africa, I’m referring to the wall between Mozambique and South Africa.
Yes I mean a healthy world economy but the use of the word “functioning” is probably wrong…
I mean something pertinent, relevant to study. I don’t know if you understand what I mean.
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AnonymousWhen I’m talking about Africa, I’m referring to the wall between Mozambique and South Africa.Aside: The most famous wall in the world is in Asia, in China. The Chinese built an immense wall to keep the Monguls out...
Anonymousdo you think my statement is appropriate to the program I’m applying for?If you are apply
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Thank you for the comment about the wall in China !
And thank you for you quick and clear answer
And thank you for you quick and clear answer
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Totally agreed with answers below (especially with AlpheccaStars), as they told you about the most important issues. And, also, this is a quite good personal statement. That is a great idea to describe each important achievement in your life as well as adding something about your personality. In fact, a lot of people who asks someone "please,
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