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Anonymous Posted 21 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Need some help for my poem, THX!
Hi, everybody. I am a English learner from China and first came here. Would anybody give me a hand?
Here, my school will hold a English poem contest and I just wrote one. I think, my poem has many errors in grammar and some sentences are catachrestic even though I have revised it many times. Now, I am wondering if u can check my poem and help me proofread or embellish it?
I really appreciate ur help and hope not to bother u too much.
Thank u!
PS: I wanna make penfriend with someone if u are interesting in China.=
the following is my poem:
Top Flight
Not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith,
And the twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
Revved my engine, rode into the horizon, and began to touch and go.
O, slip the surly bonds of infirmities, difficulties and frustrations,
Climb sunward, and head into starry light.
Innumerable ordeals of the most grievous kind lie before;
Incessant turbulence ever ahead threatening to overwhelm,
My Quest was beset with the desperate plight of all monstrous storms
Never surpassed in the dark of tracks,
And lamentable catalogue in the bivouac of life.
Kindle one candle, rather than to curse the darkness.
The darker the night, the brighter the star.
Let fear, doubt and disbelief all free my mind, in peace gonna take you.
O, the higher I fly, the closer dream come.
Let my unflinching soul stand in the open door of crucible,
With an intrepid heart for any bogey.
Not shrink from the gravity of suffering and loss,
The blackness of sorrow and despair.
Refused to leave my mighty wings to be enslaved by
The winds of chance and the hurricanes of disaster.
Let me spread the constant vision under gutsiest footprints.
Not fearing to approach these problems indefatigably,
With the unbending, undaunted courage to solve them aright.
Endured the burden of a strenuous struggle from bitter toil
And supreme endeavor, year in and year out,
To win the splendid ultimate triumph,
With rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation.
O, the trumpet summons again;
Polaris beckons me ever onward in this century of trial;
My eyes gaze upon the dimness of the first rays of dawn.
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
Shoving into overdrive, hovering there, to chase the shouting wind aloft,
And fling my eager craft through footless halls of air.
The marvelous song echoes out forever and fills the unknowing frontier,
And I top the windswept heights with easy grace and steady buoyancy!
Here, my school will hold a English poem contest and I just wrote one. I think, my poem has many errors in grammar and some sentences are catachrestic even though I have revised it many times. Now, I am wondering if u can check my poem and help me proofread or embellish it?
I really appreciate ur help and hope not to bother u too much.
Thank u!
PS: I wanna make penfriend with someone if u are interesting in China.=
the following is my poem:
Top Flight
Not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith,
And the twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
Revved my engine, rode into the horizon, and began to touch and go.
O, slip the surly bonds of infirmities, difficulties and frustrations,
Climb sunward, and head into starry light.
Innumerable ordeals of the most grievous kind lie before;
Incessant turbulence ever ahead threatening to overwhelm,
My Quest was beset with the desperate plight of all monstrous storms
Never surpassed in the dark of tracks,
And lamentable catalogue in the bivouac of life.
Kindle one candle, rather than to curse the darkness.
The darker the night, the brighter the star.
Let fear, doubt and disbelief all free my mind, in peace gonna take you.
O, the higher I fly, the closer dream come.
Let my unflinching soul stand in the open door of crucible,
With an intrepid heart for any bogey.
Not shrink from the gravity of suffering and loss,
The blackness of sorrow and despair.
Refused to leave my mighty wings to be enslaved by
The winds of chance and the hurricanes of disaster.
Let me spread the constant vision under gutsiest footprints.
Not fearing to approach these problems indefatigably,
With the unbending, undaunted courage to solve them aright.
Endured the burden of a strenuous struggle from bitter toil
And supreme endeavor, year in and year out,
To win the splendid ultimate triumph,
With rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation.
O, the trumpet summons again;
Polaris beckons me ever onward in this century of trial;
My eyes gaze upon the dimness of the first rays of dawn.
Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
Shoving into overdrive, hovering there, to chase the shouting wind aloft,
And fling my eager craft through footless halls of air.
The marvelous song echoes out forever and fills the unknowing frontier,
And I top the windswept heights with easy grace and steady buoyancy!
Top answer
Hello Anon I've corrected the grammar. In some places I'm not sure of your meaning, so have had to guess – my apologies if I've misinterpreted anything! _____________________________________________ Top Flight Let me not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith, And the twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
- Hello Anon I've corrected the grammar.
- In some places I'm not sure of your meaning, so have had to guess – my apologies if I've misinterpreted anything!
- _____________________________________________ Top Flight Let me not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith, And the twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
- I revved my engine, rode into the horizon, and began to touch and go.
- O, slip the surly bonds of infirmities, difficulties and frustrations, Climb sunward, and head into starry light.
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9 Answers
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Hello Anon
I've corrected the grammar. In some places I'm not sure of your meaning, so have had to guess – my apologies if I've misinterpreted anything!
_____________________________________________
Top Flight
Let me not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith,
And the twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
I revved my engine, rode into the
I've corrected the grammar. In some places I'm not sure of your meaning, so have had to guess – my apologies if I've misinterpreted anything!
_____________________________________________
Top Flight
Let me not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith,
And the twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
I revved my engine, rode into the
00
Pedantic, I really appreciate ur help. I will read ur suggestions later.
Wish you have a good day !
Wish you have a good day !
00
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I have revised the poem again, any mistake now?
some suggestions have not been adopted coz I think they are open to consultation.
I hope I can wrap it up in this weekend.
Pedantic, thanks again!
some suggestions have not been adopted coz I think they are open to consultation.
I hope I can wrap it up in this weekend.
Pedantic, thanks again!
00
Top Flight (revised version)
Not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith,
The twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
Revved up my engine, rode into the horizon, and began to touch and go.
O, slip the surly bonds of infirmities, difficulties and frustrations,
Climb sunward, and head into starry light.
Innumerable ordeals of the most grievous kind lay before
Not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith,
The twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
Revved up my engine, rode into the horizon, and began to touch and go.
O, slip the surly bonds of infirmities, difficulties and frustrations,
Climb sunward, and head into starry light.
Innumerable ordeals of the most grievous kind lay before
00
Hello Anon
Just a couple of suggestions:
__________________________
began to touch and go] I like this phrase; but I'm not sure what it means, in context!
lay before, > lay before me
the dark of tracks,] This sounds slightly strange.
in peace go my love.> in peace go, my love.
Let my unflinching soul stand in the open door
Just a couple of suggestions:
__________________________
began to touch and go] I like this phrase; but I'm not sure what it means, in context!
lay before, > lay before me
the dark of tracks,] This sounds slightly strange.
in peace go my love.> in peace go, my love.
Let my unflinching soul stand in the open door
00
I admited you are right, and I will revise it according to your suggestions.
Pedantic, thanks again! and hope you have a sweet weekend!
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Very helpful OK A bit prescriptivistic Unintel
Pedantic, thanks again! and hope you have a sweet weekend!
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00
You're welcome, Anon, and thank you! Good weekend to you too.
See you,
MrP
See you,
MrP
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Dear Pedantic,
Sorry to bother u again. Could you help me to proofread the latest version? I can't thank you enough.Not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith,
The twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
Revved up my engine, and rode into the horizon.
O, slip the surly bonds of infirmities, difficulties and frustra
Sorry to bother u again. Could you help me to proofread the latest version? I can't thank you enough.Not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith,
The twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
Revved up my engine, and rode into the horizon.
O, slip the surly bonds of infirmities, difficulties and frustra
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