Need some crtique.

This is NOT an essay. I am going to have a presentation about this. I am currently in my last year of high school.

Question to answer: How do we find the will to move from adversity?

Thesis:

How I find the will to move on from adversity is by going to my support system to help relieve the stress caused

by the adversities and having a sense of self-determination to overcome hardships caused by the adversities.

Argument 1:

One of the most petrifying experiences to go through high school is the inevitable. Exams, an in-class test that challenges

the student how much knowledge they have maintained throughout the year. I unfortunately had 2 exams in one day. My

stress levels skyrocketed as soon as I saw the words Economics and Biology together. As soon as I left (name of my

school), I went straight back home immediately. Frantically going through every page memorizing terms, diagrams, and

etc, I soonrealized I needed a break in-between. Cramming wouldn’t be the solution to my stress. So I activated my iPod

and listened to a variety of songs. The rhythm, the beats, the bass especially that had been flowing through my ears

transcended me into a state of enjoyment where my stress levels had decreased significantly. I was able to memorize

significantly more during my studying session, and my mentality was uplifted. Music is as similar as to pencil crayons.

Different moods represent different colours. For example, Blue could represent music that signifies the feeling of being

calm whereas yellow could represent the feeling of joy. By using a variety of different colours, individuals can relieve

their stress caused by the adversity in many different ways. In my case, the exams became an adversity and by listening

to the different types of music, my support system, I was able to find a will to move on from the exams. By going to your

support systems, we individuals are able to handle many of life’s adversities. Music provides a variety of moods to help

relieve stress caused by the adversities.

Argument 2:

We do not realize the full impact of an adversity until we fully experience it. In my case, it was my second year in high

school. Many adversities were presented infront of me in an instant. A math teacher that was difficult to understand and

having to go through the death of my English teacher due to a series of unfortunate events thus created such a negative

impact on my life that I had been diagnosed with depression. My marks were disappointing and I almost lost my sanity

that year. The thought of suicide never occurred to me in my life until I felt the impact of these adversities. But I soon

realized that suicide would be the biggest mistake of my life. I still had that miniscule amount of hope that I can still

become a successful student, graduate, and hopefully attend post-secondary education. My self-motivation has been

gradually increasing ever since I managed to successfully complete my second year of high school, especially with no

regrets. Self-motivation is just like completing a coin collection. Sometimes you get a lot of interesting coins along the

way, but sometimes they can be fake or even worse, you could lose your entire collection. But that won’t stop you from

collecting forever. You just got to motivate yourself that everything will be alright and just pick yourself up and begin

collecting again. Self-motivation is like our life support. Without it, we can lose our sanity where everything seems to be

going in the wrong direction.