Need help with my writing

Hi Everyone,

I am working on my writing skills. can someone out there help me with my essay. Could you please point out the basic English mistakes, and ways to improve it so that i can score good in my exam.
Topic : Some young adults want independence from their parents asap. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

My essays is pasted below:

The definition of independence varies from person to person. Every individual has their own definition of independence. Independence could be something just in your thoughts, or in you opinion, your views, or the way you are living or with whom you are living. Now a days ,some of the individuals want to leave their parents house as early as possible while others prefer to live with them for longer. I have a mixed opinion on this. In order to support my answer please read below.

Adolescence is a stage where a person wants to take their own decisions. At this stage of life, they think are more mature and can take their own decisions and in some cases they don't like their parents advice on their personal and career decisions and their day to day activities. In such cases most of the children starts living independently, leaving their parents home.
In my view, if a young adult is mature enough to take his decisions and can take care of himself then its good to live alone. As when you are living also, you start learning how to manage a home, how to manage your finances and how to take care of other things in life for which you were dependent on your parents earlier. So living independently, make them more mature and self dependent.

In contrast to above statement, when living away from their families, sometimes the individuals go on a wrong path. They start taking part in unusable activities sometimes by influence of their friends or society or sometimes through social media or other groups. So, in such cases if they were living with parents , then family can constantly monitor them for such things and can stop them from going into wrong direction or path. Moreover living with parents has its own benefits. Parents give you both mental and financial support in you daily activities. Moreover you learn to live with each others difference and you learn to respect the family. On top of that, no love in this world can be above parents love. They give you their time and energy and everything without hidden motives.

So in conclusion, if you are mature enough to take care of yourself independently, without involving in any wrong activities then live independently but don't forget to visit/ call your parents.