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Netming2000 Posted 15 years ago
Grammar

Need help with my thesis

My prompt is to state whether I agree or disagree that California still delivers what it promises.

I agree that California still delivers what it promises because....

Here is my introduction:
With the dream of success and opportunities, California enabled many immigrants the opportunities to pursue in economic wealth, higher education, and achievement in career. Thesis:
Although many immigrants failed to achieve the California dream, others still insist to stay and work hard to achieve it because California provides opportunities and abundant resources, as opposed that it was difficult to achieve in other places even if they worked hard.
  

Top answer

I am not quite clear on the intent of your thesis statement, but I suggest this: With dreams of opportunity and success, many immigrants came to California to pursue economic wealth, higher education, and career achievement . But although many immigrants failed to achieve their California dream, some continued to strive to achieve it , because California provides opportunities and abundant resources that were lacking in other places , even if they worked hard.

  • I am not quite clear on the intent of your thesis statement, but I suggest this: With dreams of opportunity and success, many immigrants came to California to pursue economic wealth, higher education, and career achievement .
  • But although many immigrants failed to achieve their California dream, some continued to strive to achieve it , because California provides opportunities and abundant resources that were lacking in other places , even if they worked hard.
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1 Answers
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I am not quite clear on the intent of your thesis statement, but I suggest this:

With dreams of opportunity and success, many immigrants came to California to pursue economic wealth, higher education, and career achievement. But although many immigrants failed to achieve their California dream, some continued to strive to achieve i

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