Need help with motivation letter writing..Plz help me guys

I need to submit a motivation letter with my application form in order to request acceptance in an Italian fashion institute. I have written one.Borrowed some useful words and phrases from other motivation letters in this same website. but i feel it still needs to be checked by someone. Any kind of suggestion plz ??

Sir/Madam,

I am writing to apply for the Master’s in Fashion Merchandising and Buying course starting from January 2012 onwards. While completing Bachelor’s degree in Apparel Manufacturing Technology, I started working in an export-oriented textile company as a junior merchandiser. As my academic education and work in practical field ran at the same time, I have gained a handful of theoretical knowledge and practical experience. I got in touch with variety of people from different countries which have inspired me to make my career bigger. I have been highly motivated for a higher level of education since then and have decided to apply in Polimoda. Having reviewed a number of degree programs, it came to my knowledge that Polimoda International Institute is one of the best institutes of its kind. It has an excellent merchandising program that best meets my aims and aspirations of furthering my education. I hope to broaden my educational horizon as well as to enhance my profile through real time working experience in the international fashion field.

My country is one of the biggest (and still growing) textile product exporting countries in the world. But I have seen many companies struggling to get up to the mark in achieving product & service standard and thus buyer satisfaction. So they are facing difficulties to grow their business bigger. This results a downfall to the potential growth of customer and higher rate of loss in the annual return. From my point of view, it is happening due to not only the lack of technical knowledge of the concern persons, but also because their lacking in understanding of buyer’s actual need and buying requirements. I aim to understand the merchandising and buying techniques from the buyer’s point of view. I am confident that a higher degree from an institute like Polimoda will offer me such opportunities to achieve my goals.

Being a successful business person has always been a vision of my career. But I know it is not an easy task to do. Especially for someone like me who has not yet finished his education and only a few years experienced. I need to study/work with all my dedication if I wish in return a good payback in the upcoming future. Living and studying in Italian environment which is traditionally recognized as a fashion capital will not only help me improve my theoretical knowledge, it will also let me understand fashion and trends in a day to day basis. I believe the Master’s in Fashion Merchandising and Buying course will provide me with the right set of skill to be able to go after my career objective.

While academic and professional career are vitally important to me, so are my extracurricular activities. I have participated in the 20th Scout World Jamboree (Thailand) back in school days in 2002-03. I have also achieved the highest award of scouting (President’s Scout Award) which was given to me by the honorable president himself. I also have a lot of interest in music. In fact, I am a guitarist and have a band of my own. I have performed in many live concerts and private parties with my band. And indeed being active in music is a great way to meet new people and develop friendships.

I believe I have learnt a little of fashion and there are a lot of things remaining which I still need to learn. I am eagerly looking forward to your consideration and acceptance of my application.

Thank you.