Need Help with Letter of Motivation for Masters

Hello all,
I am writing a letter of motivation for a master’s degree. I am not very good at writing and I would be grateful if one could review it and make suggestions .
Thank you in advance.

Best regards,
Bahar

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Dear Prof. Dr. John Smith,

1-I am writing to apply for the Master's Degree program in Information Technology.

2-In 1996, I graduated in Computer Science Engineering from the Technical University XYZ. As I came in 2003 to zzz and learnt German, I decided to take a Master’s Degree at University of zzz. Through Master’s Degree program, I would like to elaborate my practical work experience with further development and research methods and qualifications in Information Technology and delve into advanced methods and developments in computer science especially communications and media technology.

3-During my studies, I had the opportunity to establish the knowledge in the full range of computer science concepts and methodologies. My seven years of employment in different companies merged this knowledge with the business aspects and practices in wide variety of fields, such as accounting, personal management and telecommunication, and built my experience in software development, system and database administration.

4-As a application developer, I started my career at a computer service provider company, ***, which develops applications for all states of production and administration including accounting and resource planning for group companies in fields of metallurgy, container production, and power station. Completing Oracle database administration and Unix system administration courses, I coordinated the software maintenance on test and production servers in-house and at client sites. My responsibilities also included software distribution, installation and administration, as well as second level customer support.

5-Between 2000 and 2003, I worked as a database administrator at a telecommunication company, YYY. In addition to my responsibility as a database administrator , I was a project team member of the Enterprise System Management Project. Implementation of Problem Management System and Database Monitoring System within this project running on Computer Associates (CA) Unicenter TNG was for me a great challenge that improved my conception of business processes as a whole and their relationships with IT structures. Within this project, a monitoring and automatic issue logging system for Unix and Windows systems and data network devices was implemented. Developing workflows and escalation paths for both IT activities, I built helpdesk system based on the CA Unicenter ServiceDesk including web interface and reporting facilities which enabled management to monitor the response times and the quality of service.

6-The opportunity to work with several fields in IT sector and the diversity of study areas introduced in IT program strengthened my enthusiasm to research and learn deeply the different aspects of computer science, particularly Communications Engineering and Media Technology. With Master’s Degree in Information Technology, I will have the skills and knowledge which are combined with real world experience and these qualifications will enable me to pursue a career as a researcher and a consultant in Information Technology.

7-Thank you for your time and consideration of my application. I look forward to a favourable response from you.
Yours sincerely,
Bahar