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Anonymous Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Need help with grammar and flow

0Hi I am applying to a Clinical Psychology program and here is my essay. Can you tell what you think and give any suggestions especially with grammar and sentence structure. They want me to state my reasons for seeking admittance to the program at this point in my life; my scholarly and professional interests and goals and link them with the components of the program.02br
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00I experienced almost five years in the work force before I began my pursuit of graduate education. Consequently, I know the frustration of frivolous effort, lack of career direction, job dissatisfaction. I also know the triumph of continuously learning myself, not becoming complacent, and holding on to the desire to help others. 00 02br
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00I believe I possess particular strengths that will contribute to my success your graduate program at Fielding.00 00Because of my varied work experience, I am able to offer strength and diversity to your program. I view these years as invaluable, as they have shaped my motives, compelled me to appreciate the need for goal orientation, and allowed me to experience the triumphs and frustrations of the "real" world. 00 00I have continued to hold on to my strong sense of purpose. Also, being a disciplined person, I have developed very useful time management skills to handle a busy course load. This dedication and self control will greatly benefit me during my graduate work at 00 since it encompasses the distance learning approach.00 00At this point in my life, I have the support of my husband and I am able to pursue my graduate education on a full-time basis.00 00I want to fully emerge myself in the program and use extra time to volunteer in clinical settings and further my research experience.00 00I have had time to mature, enroll in a variety of courses to find my niche and time to evaluate why I’ve made past mistakes and how to approach situations differently.00 00I am so appreciative that I waited and gave myself the opportunity to develop.00 00I have since been able to truly experience adulthood and embrace the concept of career choice being something more in depth than choosing a major or salary potential.00 00My approach and desire to study the field of Clinical Psychology is much more well-rounded and realistic to challenges and achievements that I am prepared to face during this journey through graduate school.00 02br
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00I intend to continue my education by pursuing a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. 00 00I am most interested in working with obesity and eating disorder populations.00 00I would like to research the psychological motivations behind persons eating habits and the role self-esteem and body image plays in connection with those eating habits.00 00Obesity and health related issues are increasingly becoming tied to the field of psychology.00 00I also have interests in working with patients coping with diseases such as AIDS and cancer.00 00I am awaiting responses from letters I submitted to local professors with similar interests, hoping to have the opportunity to volunteer and contribute to their research initiatives.00 00I plan to dedicate my career to raising the awareness of these issues through research, private practice/consultation and eventually teaching at the university level.00 00It is my intention to contribute empirically-based findings to the clinical psychology field through my research. I feel that 00 could offer me a solid education and help me to meet my goals by providing a quality atmosphere in which to learn.00 00I love the fact that Fielding centers its mission around the mid-career, adult learner because this will help aid feelings of intimidation when returning to higher education after being away a number of years.00 00I also appreciate the numerous resources available for students, especially since it is a distance learning program there is still one-on-one assistance available.00 00I am interested in the health psychology concentration and the research done by faculty members at Fielding. Among these are Dr. April Fallon and her assessments and research on eating disorders, Dr. Leann Stadtlander and how adult patients and family members cope with cancer, along with numerous professors trained in research design and implementation.00 00I feel that Fielding’s scholar-practitioner approach fits my goals since I want to be a practicing clinician, teach and conduct scholarly research.00 00I feel that I can bring enthusiasm, maturity and individuality to your program as a result of my diversified experiences and my desire to excel in the clinical psychology field.010id1
  

Top answer

0Hi,02br 02br 01font 00I am applying to a Clinical Psychology program and here is my essay. Can you tell what you think and give any suggestions especially with grammar and sentence structure. 02font 02br 02br 00I suggest that you should consider restructuring what you have written so that it more clearly follows the outline of the information you have been told they want you to supply.

  • 0Hi,02br 02br 01font 00I am applying to a Clinical Psychology program and here is my essay.
  • Can you tell what you think and give any suggestions especially with grammar and sentence structure.
  • 02font 02br 02br 00I suggest that you should consider restructuring what you have written so that it more clearly follows the outline of the information you have been told they want you to supply.
  • eg 02br 02br 01i 00My reasons for seeking admittance to the program at this point in my life are as follows.
  • .
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1 Answers
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0Hi,02br
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01font00I am applying to a Clinical Psychology program and here is my essay. Can you tell what you think and give any suggestions especially with grammar and sentence structure. They want me to state my reasons for seeking admittance to the program at this point in my life; my scholarly and professional interests and goals and link th

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