Need help to review IELTS Essay

Hi Everyone,
I am hoping that you willing to help me for reviewing my IELTS essay. I have done three essays to be reviewed.
I appreciated your kindness.

Thanks a lot.

Regards,
Theresia
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Topic : Even though Globalization affects the worlds economics in a very positive way, its negative sides should not be forgotten.
Internet is the one of the media to support globalization. All people are coming from different continent are connected together. Each of them is able to communicate and share a lot of information. A lot of jobs or business opportunities are available on the internet now. All of us have a chance to pursue it. Definitely, the world economics has been growth positively. Nevertheless, at least there are two negative sides of globalization. Firstly, nowadays environmental is become serious issue. Manufacturing is producing industry a lot of chemical wastes and air pollutant. The high demand of the consumer product has been driven all the manufacturing industry to produce various consumer product such as television, laptop, radio, washing machine, computer, and etc. In addition, each of companies has to compete with a rival for getting the share market. They might not have a concern about chemical or any kinds of wastes produced from manufacture. They would prefer to focus on winning the market and minimize the production cost in order to get the highest profit. Secondly, globalization may drive a people to be more individualistic. It is very obvious that the competition is very tough recently. In the job market, there are thousands candidate for one job vacancy in the company. Therefore, many parents encourage their children to study hard and focus on their future. Most of teenager or parents or young adult do not have time for social life. They are tending to focus on their own business. There is no time for the family. There is no chance to care with each other. The sense of humanity is almost gone.
In conclusion, all of us must aware of the negative side of globalization. We have a chance to control those negative sides. For example: the implementation of business ethics and corporate responsibility might be able to reduce the environmental issue. Promoting how important the quality time with family and why do we need to generous with each other could arise sense of humanity in the globalization era.
Some people say education is the only critical factor to development of a country. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is no doubt that knowledge is a power. We will become knowledgeable and high quality person if we keep improving and learning otherwise we will not able to compete in the globalization era. There are some reasons why education is critical factor to development of a country. First, the quality of education will determine the long term national economic. We can attract the foreign investor if we have the human resource with the high qualification in every fields such as information technology, manufacturing, finance, engineering, healthcare, and etc. We can see Singapore which does not have any natural resources but they manage to attract the foreign investor because they have talented people and skill full human resource. How do they make it? They always encourage people to keep learn and improve their self. They also have the highest quality of education system. As result Singapore is one of the strongest economies in South East Asia. There are a lot of foreign company setup a business in Singapore due to a lot of talented people in every fields are available.
Secondly, education can transform standard quality of living. In some countries, we can find a lot of people were coming from the poor family but they are studying very hard to pursue the highest education level. They are eventually able to find the best job opportunity in the market place. Despite their parents are not rich but they have a skill or knowledge which can be used to earn some money. Ultimately, it could help them to transform their standard quality of living.
To sum up, people was not born in rich family still have a chance to become great as long they have high quality of education which can help them to become high quality persons. In addition, country without any natural resources could have a chance to become number one if they have a people who are very talented and knowledgeable. On the other hand. there are many countries which have a lot of natural resource but they are not able to explore or manage it, so that they need to invited talented people from another country to train or assists them to explore it.
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Topic :
Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing crossword puzzles. Others feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.
All of us have daily activities such as studying at school, working at the office, taking care of the kids, doing a business, and etc. Those activities are taking much of energy and concentration. We might bore due to the routine daily activity. We are certainly needed to take a break. We must have a time for relaxing and releasing the stress otherwise we could be stress full or irritate easily. There are some activities which could make us relax and feel happy from routine daily activities, such as jogging, cycling, diving, or joining the cell group on the church. If we compare with reading or doing crossword puzzles, those kinds of activities will not require a lot of concentration or any serious think. Nevertheless, it does mean that those activities do not bring any value for us. For example, joining cell group in the church could help us to build a networking with another people. In addition, each of us in cell group can share many kind of information like the latest movie in cinema, computer games, parenting tips for young couple and etc.
On the other hand, certain people spend their leisure time by reading or doing crossword puzzle. Think serious or high concentration is needed for doing these kinds of activities. Some people are really enjoying it due to the fact that they could sharp the left brain or critical thinking when they do crossword puzzles or read a book. However, it does not mean they are not able to relax or release the stress. Some people could fell happier while they are reading a book due to the fact that they get an idea or new information from that book. People might have self satisfaction if they can solve all the crossword puzzle.
In conclusion, everyone has their own ways how they spend the leisure time. Each of us has different hobby and personality. Indeed, each of us has own way to relax and release the stress. We can just do it as long we enjoy it.
Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
I certainly agree that financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. There are a couple of reasons to support this argument. First, lifestyle consumerism is major issue in our society because advertisement industries have been used many kinds of media, such as internet, television, radio, billboard, and etc. Companies are spending million dollars to advertise their product. At the same time, they also use a public figure like athlete or artist or actor as the attribute of the advertisement. Marketing managers have to ensure that they should able to get consumer attention until consumer buys their product. We could not imagine if there are five different brands for one product produced from different company. We are certainly to be tempted to try each of them due to the fact that they package their product very attractively.
Secondly, credit card bad debt is one of another issue. According to the market research that almost of the credit card holder do not settle the credit bill on the due date. Eighty percent of them are on debt with the bank. They do not have much concern with the interest is charged by the bank as long they could settle the credit card's bill within a several months. Credit card is helping people to pay any transaction despite we do not have any cash. Nevertheless, when we buy something with the credit card, we have to ensure that we are on budget or we are able to settle it at the end of the month. In fact, most of the young people are lost control in the using of credit card. They are very seldom to think twice about how much their budget can be spent every month. They just straightaway buy something they wanted. We could imagine if we have more than one credit card and we are not able to control it. How stressful we are if we live with a credit card debt every month.
In conclusion, managing finances has to be started since in teenager. At least, we should able to make a financial plan for ourselves like how much we can spend and save every month. Finally, if we are able to control our money, it will not able to control our life!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Topic : Financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
I certainly agree that financial education should be a mandatory component of the school program. There are a couple of reasons to support this argument. First, lifestyle consumerism is major issue in our society because advertisement industries have been used many kinds of media, such as internet, television, radio, billboard, and etc. Companies are spending million dollars to advertise their product. At the same time, they also use a public figure like athlete or artist or actor as the attribute of the advertisement. Marketing managers have to ensure that they should able to get consumer attention until consumer buys their product. We could not imagine if there are five different brands for one product produced from different company. We are certainly to be tempted to try each of them due to the fact that they package their product very attractively.
Secondly, credit card bad debt is one of another issue. According to the market research that almost of the credit card holder do not settle the credit bill on the due date. Eighty percent of them are on debt with the bank. They do not have much concern with the interest is charged by the bank as long they could settle the credit card's bill within a several months. Credit card is helping people to pay any transaction despite we do not have any cash. Nevertheless, when we buy something with the credit card, we have to ensure that we are on budget or we are able to settle it at the end of the month. In fact, most of the young people are lost control in the using of credit card. They are very seldom to think twice about how much their budget can be spent every month. They just straightaway buy something they wanted. We could imagine if we have more than one credit card and we are not able to control it. How stressful we are if we live with a credit card debt every month.
In conclusion, managing finances has to be started since in teenager. At least, we should able to make a financial plan for ourselves like how much we can spend and save every month. Finally, if we are able to control our money, it will not able to control our life!