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Brooklyn Posted 22 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Need help rewriting
I have to rewrite to improve the unity and coherence.
The animals that live in our house are beginning to cost us a lot of money. First, there are the animals that we own. Second, there are the animals that don't belong here. They are invaders. Our new dog has chewed up his wweight in upholstery. I had to buy a new pair of shoes last week. It cost me $50 . The Orkin man discovered termites in our crawl space and powder-post beetles in the front wall behind the fish tank. Our six cats have to be fed and cared for. But I think they are fed too well because they don't even chase mice any more. They have taken over the pantry where we store food. It is costing us money, too. Not to mention that the Orkin man is coming back now on a weekly basis to treat the house. And no one has any idea what ever happened to the hamster that escaped from its cage last winter. The kids miss it and are asking for a new one for Christmas. They have given up hoping that it might be living in the broom closet or under the refrigerator.
Please help me!!!!!!!
The animals that live in our house are beginning to cost us a lot of money. First, there are the animals that we own. Second, there are the animals that don't belong here. They are invaders. Our new dog has chewed up his wweight in upholstery. I had to buy a new pair of shoes last week. It cost me $50 . The Orkin man discovered termites in our crawl space and powder-post beetles in the front wall behind the fish tank. Our six cats have to be fed and cared for. But I think they are fed too well because they don't even chase mice any more. They have taken over the pantry where we store food. It is costing us money, too. Not to mention that the Orkin man is coming back now on a weekly basis to treat the house. And no one has any idea what ever happened to the hamster that escaped from its cage last winter. The kids miss it and are asking for a new one for Christmas. They have given up hoping that it might be living in the broom closet or under the refrigerator.
Please help me!!!!!!!
Top answer
>>>>Our new dog has chewed up his wweight in upholstery I don't think it needs RE writing , is excellent as it is! the only thing that I would change is the above to this : Our new dog has chewed up his own weight in upholstery. the that's it really...
- >>>>Our new dog has chewed up his wweight in upholstery I don't think it needs RE writing , is excellent as it is!
- the only thing that I would change is the above to this : Our new dog has chewed up his own weight in upholstery.
- the that's it really...
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4 Answers
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>>>>Our new dog has chewed up his wweight in upholstery<<<<
I don't think it needs RE writing , is excellent as it is! the only thing that I would change is the above to this : Our new dog has chewed up his own weight in upholstery.
the that's it really...
I don't think it needs RE writing , is excellent as it is! the only thing that I would change is the above to this : Our new dog has chewed up his own weight in upholstery.
the that's it really...
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brooklyn,
It looks reasonably good to me. You should fix the one sentence the other person mentioned, and you might wish to have a concluding sentence. You might want to conclude by how your animals are costing you on a monthly or annual basis.
MountainHiker
It looks reasonably good to me. You should fix the one sentence the other person mentioned, and you might wish to have a concluding sentence. You might want to conclude by how your animals are costing you on a monthly or annual basis.
MountainHiker
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I was asked in this paragraph work to consider the following:
Does the paragraph have a clear topic sentence?
Do all of the details logically support the topic sentence?
Does the paragraph have adequate transitions to make connections between sentences clear?
Is another sentence needed here or there to explain or develop a vague idea?
Are any of the details irrelevan
Does the paragraph have a clear topic sentence?
Do all of the details logically support the topic sentence?
Does the paragraph have adequate transitions to make connections between sentences clear?
Is another sentence needed here or there to explain or develop a vague idea?
Are any of the details irrelevan
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Hi Brooklyn,
Now you are getting into style. You can have 5 people read your essay and get at least 5 different opinions.
I thought it was okay. I understood it. Could it be improved. Yes. But you can improve most anything. Too many details or insufficient or redundant. They seemed okay to me, but your teacher might not agree. It depends on style and intent.
Now you are getting into style. You can have 5 people read your essay and get at least 5 different opinions.
I thought it was okay. I understood it. Could it be improved. Yes. But you can improve most anything. Too many details or insufficient or redundant. They seemed okay to me, but your teacher might not agree. It depends on style and intent.
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