Need Help : Pls Check my Motivation Letter for Master Course

Dear friends,
I am Norman, a new member here from Indonesia.
Currently I am preparing my motivation letter to be submitted into a university in Europe (by scholarship). And I know that the members here are experts in english, therefore kindly please check my motivation letter, since it might be full of errors and need to be corrected.
Here is my draft ( It is combined from other's people mot'v letter and mine )
Thank you very much for your help.
Regards,
Norman
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Jakarta, Indonesia.
November 16, 2006

Name
University
City
Country

Sub: Application for Scholarship Program, 2007-2008

Dear Sir,

I would like to apply for the Master in Finance under the scholarship programme for the period of 2007-2008 at XXX University .

I have completed my degree in Accounting from Universitas XXXX Indonesia. I have always maintained an excellent grade average and achievement, whether it is at school or the office. In addition to my academic activities, I have also had a chance to take part in a social volunteer activities (www.kampungkids.org) which gave me experiences in working as volunteers.

In late 2001, I start my career in PT. XXX, Tbk, a national public listed company in Indonesia. Working as a management trainee officer for 2 years helped me to know and involved in many aspect of the financial operations. I learned how to interact with different people and different personalities. Furthermore I was able to learn creative organizational skills by handling unexpected events and challenges.

After working for almost two years as an officer, at the age of twenty six, I was promoted to become an assistant manager in one of group's company. During this time, I explored several latent aspects of my personality and profesionality as well. I developed my profesional skills by join several courses and training provided by profesional institutions. Besides, it brought to surface my ability to work hard and with sincerity, persistence, motivation, and resilience. And after this, my career also move along to other challenging path. After one year in this position, i was located to a branch office at Surabaya, promoted as finance department head. And furthermore, on June 2006, I was promoted to other main branch office under the Group in North sumatera because the managemend stated that i had sufficient experiences and could manage it well.

To further my career aspirations of becoming part of senior management team, I realize i must learn and study further, by obtaining a master's degree in Finance Management. Having this knowledge will allow me to better understand financial management principles . With all the uncertainty and changes in with world, political, economic, and technological, I believe that management must have a solid understanding, supported by a strong academic foundation, of how to guide companies through these challenging times. By learning finance management, i will be better positioned to help companies on various aspects of the issue that so many organizations are facing and try to generate solutions to complex problems. I believe obtaining a Master's Degree will provide the necessary background for me to be to anticipate and react to ever-changing environments.

I hope that I will be accepted as an applicant and a beneficiary of the Scholarship Program in the 2007–08 academic years. I am confident that I am qualified and prepared to meet all requirements of the scholarship. I would be grateful if you could give my application your most favorable consideration.

Sincerely,
Norman