0
Katiaaa Posted 19 years ago
Grammar
Need help please - are my three sentences correct? Thanks!
The smoking lake perspired, covered by a blanket of fog so dense you couldn’t see your arm once you stuck it in the white, foam-like substance. The sun was just waking up, unlike everybody else in this lost in the depth of ages place. The early morning’s silence was complete; even the birds seemed to still be enjoying their dreams of the short Altai summer night.
Top answer
Hello Katiaaa-- and welcome to English Forums. Your paragraph is much too dense, and the metaphors are mixed and not always appropriate. Your reader will never have the patience to keep reading.
- Hello Katiaaa-- and welcome to English Forums.
- Your paragraph is much too dense, and the metaphors are mixed and not always appropriate.
- Your reader will never have the patience to keep reading.
- Something like this is what you should aim for: The lake smoked with a blanket of fog so dense your own arm would be lost in its whiteness.
- The sun alone was just waking up in this ageless place.
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
7 Answers
0
Hello Katiaaa-- and welcome to English Forums.
Your paragraph is much too dense, and the metaphors are mixed and not always appropriate. Your reader will never have the patience to keep reading. Something like this is what you should aim for:
The lake smoked with a blanket of fog so dense your own arm would be lost in its whiteness. The sun alone was just waking up in
Your paragraph is much too dense, and the metaphors are mixed and not always appropriate. Your reader will never have the patience to keep reading. Something like this is what you should aim for:
The lake smoked with a blanket of fog so dense your own arm would be lost in its whiteness. The sun alone was just waking up in
00
"The smoking lake perspired" - can you actually say this? thank you!
00
Is it smoking or perspiring? Seems odd to do both. Actually - perspiring is an odd idea to attach to a lake altogether. How does a lake sweat?
00
Can I then say this:
"The lake was smoking, covered by a blanket of fog so dense your arm would be lost in its whiteness."
Thank you!
"The lake was smoking, covered by a blanket of fog so dense your arm would be lost in its whiteness."
Thank you!
00
Can I then say this:
"The lake was smoking, covered by a blanket of fog so dense your arm would be lost in its whiteness."
Thank you!
"The lake was smoking, covered by a blanket of fog so dense your arm would be lost in its whiteness."
Thank you!
00
"The lake was smoking, covered by a blanket of fog so dense your arm would be lost in its whiteness."
Is this sentence correct? Please help, thank you!
Is this sentence correct? Please help, thank you!
00
Katiaaa"The lake was smoking, covered by a blanket of fog so dense your arm would be lost in its whiteness." Is this sentence correct? Please help, thank you!Hi Katiaaa,
The sentence is grammatically fine.
However, if I were you , I would first replace covered by a blanket of fog with blanketted in / with fog. Second, I wou
0
Related Questions