Need help on motivational letter, University of Amsterdam

Hi guys, im Jack.
Hope u guys can give me some tips on how to make this better, theses a word limit of 300words.
Please be blunt and honest if u have to. It will mean a lot to me. Thx =)



Letter of motivation
Having to move alone back to Singapore at 18, serving a 2 year national service with a SM90 gas mask strapped to your face, mostly, changed my view and goals in life. During this period I had time to reflect on myself and this motivated me to challenge myself like I never had before.
Currently, holding a leadership role as a commander (3^rd Sergeant by rank) has helped me realize that I have the personality and aptitude that is befitting towards a course such as Economics and Business, especially an internationally diverse institute such as university of Amsterdam.

Growing up in my adoptive home Malaysia, I was blessed to attend a multitude of international schools where I discovered how enticing the world can be culturally, since then I always been enticed to travel to any foreign country that was, just different.
Hence after my A levels, I took an investment opportunity selling an online tutoring product, sparking an entrepreneurial desire and I have been financially self sufficient ever since. With the small profits earned, I then travelled to numerous countries before my enlistment, meeting people and understanding the cultural and economical situation of these countries has inspired me further to challenge myself in a foreign and exciting environment such as Europe.

Now serving as a Chemical Biological Radiological Defense (CBRD in short) team commander, daily management of a platoon consisting of thirty men for operational and peace time duties has been a rewarding experience that has motivated me on my path of pursuing a career in international business as I realize an independent, sharp-witted and motivated person as myself will truly enjoy an environment as such.
The skill set I acquired in the past years as jujitsu club captain (during my college days) and team commander can be adapted to a business environment where interpersonal skills, professional discipline and curious intellect are essential.
Further more, with the phenomena of globalization, I believe being bilingual is a valuable asset which I posses both in English and Mandarin.
These factors coupled with the tools and connections that can be acquired at the prestigious and diverse course of Economics and Business at the University of Amsterdam will guide my journey as a successful individual in my future career.

I want to be able to grow to my full academic potential, contribute diversity mutuality to the institute and myself.
I see myself as a confident, eager and competent team leader that is eager to take on any challenge and with my energy, determination and focused intellect. I know that University van Amsterdam is the perfect institution for just what I am looking for.

Eager beaver student,
Jack Lee Ren Jie