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Sunshine0808 Posted 18 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Need help on improving my english assignment
I have an assignment due really soon, and I need anyone's help that can help me on writing an introduction to my essay. My teacher said that I need to use a stronger use of verbs, and to be more descriptive in my introduction. If there are some grammar problems, could you help me with that as well. Any ideas or suggestions, would be greatly appreciated.
Topic: Write about a place you are very fond of.
My Bedroom
All I could of after coming home from school was retreating to my bedroom. It was midterm week, and all of the pressures of the finals were starting to get to me. I just felt like escaping from all of the stresses from school, and into a spot where I could ease my mind. I wanted to retreat to a place where I could seclude myself, and not have to worry about anything outside the four walls of my bedroom. Finally, I walked up to the long white door, it was as if I was opening the door to my own personal paradise. When I dropped my book bag by the door, I suddenly felt a sense of relief. My long and tedious day was over, and suddenly I forgot that it was even midterm week.
Topic: Write about a place you are very fond of.
My Bedroom
All I could of after coming home from school was retreating to my bedroom. It was midterm week, and all of the pressures of the finals were starting to get to me. I just felt like escaping from all of the stresses from school, and into a spot where I could ease my mind. I wanted to retreat to a place where I could seclude myself, and not have to worry about anything outside the four walls of my bedroom. Finally, I walked up to the long white door, it was as if I was opening the door to my own personal paradise. When I dropped my book bag by the door, I suddenly felt a sense of relief. My long and tedious day was over, and suddenly I forgot that it was even midterm week.
Top answer
Welcome... " Instead of "finals" I would use "exams," because you already tell us that it's midterm week, not finals. "escaping from all of the stresses from school, and into a spot where I could ease my mind," sounds off.
- Welcome...
- " Instead of "finals" I would use "exams," because you already tell us that it's midterm week, not finals.
- "escaping from all of the stresses from school, and into a spot where I could ease my mind," sounds off.
- I suggest saying, "escaping from all of the stresses of school, and diving into a spot where I could ease my mind," or something like that.
- " For description: what did the book bag sound like when you dropped it on the floor?
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2 Answers
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Welcome...
I would say instead of "retreating" us "retreat."
Instead of "finals" I would use "exams," because you already tell us that it's midterm week, not finals.
"escaping from all of the stresses from school, and into a spot where I could ease my mind," sounds off. I suggest saying, "escaping from all of the stresses of school, and diving into a spot where I could
I would say instead of "retreating" us "retreat."
Instead of "finals" I would use "exams," because you already tell us that it's midterm week, not finals.
"escaping from all of the stresses from school, and into a spot where I could ease my mind," sounds off. I suggest saying, "escaping from all of the stresses of school, and diving into a spot where I could
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Welcome...
Instead of saying "retreating" use "retreat."
Instead of "finals" I would use "midterms" or "exams," because you already tell us that it's midterm week, not finals. They are different.
"escaping from all of the stresses from school, and into a spot where I could ease my mind," sounds off.
I suggest saying, "escaping from all of the
Instead of saying "retreating" use "retreat."
Instead of "finals" I would use "midterms" or "exams," because you already tell us that it's midterm week, not finals. They are different.
"escaping from all of the stresses from school, and into a spot where I could ease my mind," sounds off.
I suggest saying, "escaping from all of the
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