Need help correcting my letter of motivation

0Hello everybody,02br
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00I just found this forum, and it is absolutely great! I want to thank all the good people that are doing this outstanding job of helping others with their letters. 02br
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00I am trying to apply to an Erasmus masters program in Law & Economics and I would appreciate your help very much.02br
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00I had a lot of second thoughts about posting my letter of motivation, because I'm afraid of someone stealing my ideas, as there is a lot of competition in the acceptance to this program, but I decided it was worth it if I can get better results.02br
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00The idea is to tell them 01b00why I am interested in Law & Economics in general, and in this program (it's called EMLE) in particular02b00. I hope my letter does the job…02br
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00Plus, I marked the words and phrases I'm not sure about with an underline or brackets.02br
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00Thank you so much for your help guys (and girls05000)02br
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00To the attention of the EMLE (or – European Master in Law and Economics) Program selection committee,02br
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01b01u00Letter of motivation – [ name ]02u02b02br
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00My name is --------, and I'm a 25 year old Israeli Law student. In the middle of next year (2007) I will complete my LL.B (With a [01u00course02u00?] cluster on Law and Technology) from the University of --------. I started my studies after three years of service in the Israeli --------- Force(01u00s02u00), and seven months of working in my family's ------ business, mainly coordinating import transactions with foreign corporations.02br
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01u00I first became interested (or took interest?) in02u00 the Economic Analysis of Law (01u00discipline02u00) when it was introduced to me (us?) on the first year of my studies. I have encountered "Law and Economics" afterwards in different contexts, where implementation of the (01u00this02u00?) discipline was presented to us. Because we were taught only the basics, I found it hard to apply Economic principles on 01u00the various fields of Law02u00. This difficulty led me to a conclusion that this discipline should be studied profoundly and in an inclusive manner, while applying it to 01u00different branches of Law02u00.02br
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01u00During (?) my years in Law school I encountered02u00 many social wrongs that exist in our society. As a result, I (01u00have02u00?) started volunteering at "Halev" (War on Poverty in Israel Association) station at the execution of judgments department in the Court of -------, where we give consultation to those who cannot afford the service(01u00s02u00?) of a lawyer. As a social active person, I find the field of "Law & Economics" fascinating and innovative, because it demonstrates an integrated approach of economic efficiency and distributive justice. I believe that the knowledge I can obtain in this program will help me understand (01u00maybe – better understanding of02u00?) and analyze policy making decisions, and ultimately assist me in my goal of taking part (01u00or participating02u00?) in achieving 01a00social change02a00.02br
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01a02a00 I was first introduced to the EMLE Program while on my second year at the University of ------, when I met an EMLE student from the Netherlands who spoke highly of the program and recommended it to me. I became interested in the program and in the European Union, as a growing power in the political and legal ring (01u00or arena02u00?), 01u00and02u00 participated in courses such as "International Private Law" and "Introduction to EU Law", where I also learned about the economic and legal relations between Israel and the EU. All of these reasons convinced me that I want (01u00would like02u00?) to participate in the EMLE program.02br
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00I wish to get this exceptional opportunity to study for my masters degree in this distinguished program and become proficient (or 01u00expertise02u00?) in (01u00at02u00?) this relatively new discipline, combined with living abroad and studying alongside students from other countries, different backgrounds and insights.02br
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00Therefore, I would be honored to take part at the EMLE program next year (and I will try to represent my country as well as I can - should i write that?).02br
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00I thank you deeply for considering my aplication. 02br
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00Yours faithfully,02br
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00----------02br
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