Need help correcting an email need to send out please??

Question

Could someone look over an email I need to send out please?

Hello Alvaro or whomever's taken over for him regarding my situation.
I'm writing you in regards to the whole situation. We've spoken and we come to an arangement which is as follows. We won't ever play on each others account and my card had been used on his account but it wasn't him but someone who has stolen the numbers on my credit card. Ill have to go to my back to get my card replaced. If you could unblock our accounts. I'd appreciate it as I'd like to play. If you could also send me the list of transaction that were made on my account between 11/04/09 and 11/07/09, I'd appreciate it as I need to go to my bank with proof regarding those deposits. I'd like to thank you for your understanding.
Regards

Thank you

Doctor D · Accepted Answer

Okay, here is my revision. I hope I understood what you were trying to say. ("The whole situation" is rather vague.)

Hello Alvaro (or whomever's taken over for him regarding my situation):

I'm writing you in regards to the whole situation. I've spoken to the other party and we came to an arangement which is as follows: neither of us will ever play using the other's account. Although my card had been used on his account, I discovered that it wasn't his doing. Someone had stolen the numbers off my credit card and used it. I'll have to go to my bank to get my card replaced. If you could unblock both our accounts, I'd appreciate it as I'd like to continue to play. Would you also please send me the list of transactions that were made on my account between 11/04/09 and 11/07/09 as I need to provide my bank with proof regarding those deposits. Thank you for your understanding.
Regards

Anonymous · Answer

alc24
Hello Alvaro or whomever's taken over for him regarding my situation.
I'm writing you in regards to the whole situation. (you should state clearly what your case is from the start) We've spoken and we come to an arangement which is as follows. We won't ever play on each others account and my card had been used on his account but it wasn't him but someone who has stolen the numbers on my credit card. Ill have to go to my back to get my card replaced. If you could unblock our accounts. I'd appreciate it as I'd like to play. If you could also send me the list of transaction that were made on my account between 11/04/09 and 11/07/09, I'd appreciate it as I need to go to my bank with proof regarding those deposits. I'd like to thank you for your understanding.
Regards

I see a lot of muddling of words that may earn you little or delayed attention at the bank. I think you need to rework the sentece with the blue highlight to improve the tone. If I were the bank cleark and found this in my in box, I would click on the "delete" after the first 2 sentences. After having posted all the questoins and help you have received, I believe you should be able to come up with an email that is a little more esay to the ears.

If you are looking for someone to help you out of a situation, this kind of tone will not do much for you.

Hello Alvaro or whomever's taken over for him regarding my situation.

Need help correcting an email need to send out please??

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