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Abodeka Posted 20 years ago
Medical & Dental Studies

need help

What do you think about this haedline? Is it grammaticaly right?

Newly diagnosed Arterial Hypertension, Impaired glucose tolerance or Diabetes mellitus and dislipidaemias in patients with AMI admitted in the Cardiology department at the Shumen Hospital in six months period( July-December 2005)
  

Top answer

Hardly a headline-- it is far too long and inscrutable. To fix the structure only: Newly-diagnosed arterial hypertension, impaired glucose tolerance or diabetes mellitus and dislipidaemias in-patients with AMI admitted to the Cardiology Department of Shumen Hospital in the six-month period July-December 2005 To convert to a real headline: New in-patients with AMI admitted to Cardiology Department July-December 2005

— Mister Micawber

  • Hardly a headline-- it is far too long and inscrutable.
  • To fix the structure only: Newly-diagnosed arterial hypertension, impaired glucose tolerance or diabetes mellitus and dislipidaemias in-patients with AMI admitted to the Cardiology Department of Shumen Hospital in the six-month period July-December 2005 To convert to a real headline: New in-patients with AMI admitted to Cardiology Department July-December 2005
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12 Answers
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Hardly a headline-- it is far too long and inscrutable.

To fix the structure only:

Newly-diagnosed arterial hypertension, impaired glucose tolerance or diabetes mellitus and dislipidaemias in-patients with AMI admitted to the Cardiology Department of Shumen Hospital in the six-month period July-December 2005

To convert to a real headline:

New in-p
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Thanks, Mister Micawber. I agree that it's too long, but is it grammaticaly right?
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Did you read my entire post, Abodeka?
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Yes, I read it.

I know my headline is too long, but this is the maximal short I could write...let me explain you. This article is about three main risk factors to develop cardiovascular disease - hypertention, diabetes and dislipidaemias. I was interested to see how many patients come to us/Hospital/ with AMI, without knowing or treating exactly this three RF. That is a good point to see
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this is the maximal short I could write.
...and this is why I questioned its length: maximal short = shortest

Sure-- I understand your meaning; just use the fixed one I gave you.
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OK. Thank you very much.
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I'm not sure if I've got your precise meaning but what about -

Study of AMI admissions without a history of common RF.

or if that's not quite correct -

Study of AMI admissions with recently diagnosed RF ?
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By the time of the admission patients didn't know to have or treat for any RF. So, they are diagnosed for the first time when AMI is already realized. That's because I use words "newly diagnosed". Maybe I'm wrong?
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So th first suggestion would be best -

Study of AMI Admissions with No Previous History of any Common Risk-factor.
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Yes, I think this haedline would be the best. [Y] I'm going to use it.

Thank you very much.
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