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Mustmasterenglish Posted 15 years ago
Letter Writing

Need feedback on my letter! :)

hi guys! first i want to say hi to every1 because i am new to this community Emotion: smile

i just finished translating a letter to english and was hoping some1 can give me feedback. Your help would be very very veryyyy appreciated .


Dear Sir/Madam,

The course Trade management aimed at Asia (TMA) prepares students for jobs in the international trade and focuses primarily on trade relations with Asia.

In the fourth quarter of the first year TMA requires its students to take a critical look at a company analyzing the different aspects related to management and organization. Students are expected to approach and find a company that is willing to assist and cooperate in the execution of this project on their own. This letter is intended to support them in this matter.

In the project “insert project name”, the project group (consisting of up to eight students) will have to answer the following question:

To which extent does the strategy, structure and culture of the parent company suit the business objectives?


The project group will first have to focus on the theoretical backgrounds at school beforehand. They will be researching the different tools that can be used to analyze a company. Examples of this tools are the model of Porter and Ansoff (competitive strategy), the marketing P’s, McKinsey’s 7S model, DESTEP, the 5-forces-model (Porter) and a SWOT-analysis. Questions regarding the organizational culture (Hofstede, Harrison) and leadership style (Vroemen, Hersey & Blanchard) will also will be addressed.

The analysis will result in an advisory report in which the project group presents its findings. The presentations (for which you will be invited) will be held at the end of the project (i.e. the week of June 28-July 2, 2011).

We hereby kindly request you for your assist with this project. Experience has shown that little time investment is required from your side for the execution of this project.

Eventually, you will have enabled the students to test the theory in practice and thus will have made a significant contribution to an important theoretical/practical-component of the TMA program. All the information you provide will be kept confidential.

For questions please contact Ms. .......

Sincerely Yours,

(insert name)
  

Top answer

Hello, mustmasterenglish - and welcome to English Forums. Dear Sir/Madam, The Trade Management Aimed at Asia (TMA) course prepares students for jobs in international trade and focuses primarily on trade relations with Asia. In the fourth quarter of the first year , TMA requires its students to take a critical look at a company , analyzing its management and organization.

— Mister Micawber

  • Hello, mustmasterenglish - and welcome to English Forums.
  • Dear Sir/Madam, The Trade Management Aimed at Asia (TMA) course prepares students for jobs in international trade and focuses primarily on trade relations with Asia.
  • In the fourth quarter of the first year , TMA requires its students to take a critical look at a company , analyzing its management and organization.
  • Students are expected to locate and approach on their own a company willing to cooperate in this project.
  • This letter is to support them in this matter.
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3 Answers
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Hello, mustmasterenglish - and welcome to English Forums.

Dear Sir/Madam,

The Trade Management Aimed at Asia (TMA) course prepares students for jobs in international trade and focuses primarily on trade relations with Asia. In the fourth quarter of the first year, TMA requires its students to take a critical look at a company, ana
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hi Micawber, thank you very mush for taking the time to correct my letter!

I love how you highlighted the changes making it easier for me to see my mistakes
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Most are not 'mistakes'; I have suggested improvements in style and content.
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