I would not use a hyphen for 'closing time'. Maybe the hyphen is a British thing. There is an abrupt change when you stop telling the story and introduce dialog as if this were a play.
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Thinking SpainIs this what you mean not to have an abrupt change?Yes. Partially. It seems, however, that you also need to place the conversation in time somehow, even if it's just to add a little like this:
CalifJim... In fact, she has had dinner alone quite a few times since she got married. [Once / One day] she asked, "Where were you, Fred? ..." ... And Fred answered, "Well, not really, ..."I'll pick up this one. It is easier.
CalifJim... In fact, she has had dinner alone quite a few times since she got married. [Once / One day] she asked, "Where were you, Fred? ..." ... And Fred answered, "Well, not really, ..."I'll pick up this one. It is easier.
Thinking SpainDo you use the reporting verb 'asked' because it is with a question that she starts her enquiries or comentaries?Yes, I do.