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Manzlol Posted 16 years ago

Need constructive feedback on my poem please

We can't make it.

I waited. Ecstasy anticipation. Played.

The scene over and over and over. Again. We can't make it. Not tonight.

The stairs, steep incline. A journey topples you. Heels over head over toes. We can't.

I said no. No. Again. Your toes, gnarled topple over your boorish head over everything that has been healed.

I toppled you, king. Check. Check. Mate.

And we crowned each other, congratulated each other on our own incredibility.

Good. Good. Because I said no and I dodged when you toppled head over heals over toes over boorish head. Over and over and over again.

I say no always I mean yes. Catch me as you topple.

Tra la la down the garden path, onto the trye swing and we're flying again.
  

Top answer

manzlol I say no always I mean yes. Are you, by any chance, a woman?

  • manzlol I say no always I mean yes.
  • Are you, by any chance, a woman?
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1 Answers
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manzlolI say no always I mean yes.

Are you, by any chance, a woman?

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