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Someone evaluate my essay please, much appreciated!!

Nowadays animal experiments are widely used to develop new medicines and to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animals to suffer, while others are in favor of them because of their benefits to humanity.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is true that testing on animals has been one of the highly controversial issues that attract people’s attention in today’s world. While it can be argued that these tests should be prohibited, there are some people who strongly advocate that they bring a lot of benefits to human-beings. To my opinion, I totally agree with the former point of view. This essay will discuss both sides of the debate.

On the one hand, there are some arguments in favor of the idea that the pros animal testing bring to our life overshadow the cons. Firstly, experiments on animals have made a great contribution to life-saving cures and treatments. It is supposed that most medical breakthroughs in the last 100 years have resulted directly from researches using animals. Secondly, animals are appropriate research subjects because they are similar to humans in many aspects. This can be illustrated by the example that all mammals including humans are descended from common ancestors and have the same set of organs which functions in the same way. As humans and animals are biologically similar, they are both susceptible to condition and diseases such as cardiovascular diseases, cancer and diabetes…

On the other hand, there are some reasons to support the statement that government should impose law on using animals as experiment subjects. The opponents of animal experimentation consider these experiments are cruel and inhumane because animal welfare is as vital as medical research. For instance, a great many animals used in cosmetic experiments are deprived of food and water in a prolonged period of physical retraint. Another issue is that nowadays there are numerous alternative testing methods which can take over from using animals. For examples, artificial human skin made from sheet of human skin cells planted in plastic tubes and wells can create more reliable as well as effective result than animal skin.

In conclusion, the above mentioned facts have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this issue, and it has still sparked controversy in recent years. As far as I am concerned, I put more emphasis on the idea that animal testing has to be forbidden. People should have further consideration on this issue.

Poster · Accepted Answer

It is true that testing on animals has been one of the highly controversial issues that attract [one=subject: verb->singular] people’s attention in today’s world. [Over-generalization (denigrated in criteria for Task Response Band 8): yes it is true that it is controversial, but it does not attract as much attention as other issues in the Western press. > and has attracted some attention in the press. ] While it can be argued that these tests should be prohibited, there are some people who strongly advocate that they [? the tests] bring a lot of ['a lot of' is considered informal> much/many] benefits to human-beings [not normally hyphenated.]. [This sentence merely restates the question and adds nothing to your argument.]To my opinion,[EITHER: in my opinion OR I agree .. but not both. ] I totally agree with the former point of view. This essay will discuss both sides of the debate. [This sentence is unnecessary in IELTS: simply state your position in the introduction. The examiner is far more interested in your ability to 'present a fully developed position/response in answer to the
question with relevant, fully extended and well supported ideas', as that is the major criterion for Band 9 Task achievement: introduction and conclusion are not specifically mentioned.]

On the one hand, there are some arguments in favor of the idea that the pros [Outside the specific phrase 'pros and cons', 'pros' tends to be a shortened form of 'professionals'. Be aware that even the phrase 'pros and cons' is seldom used outside specific contexts. I would avoid it entire in IELTS, as it may well come across as an unnatural insertion into an essay. ] of animal testing bring to our life overshadow the cons. [Better to stick with 'the advantages/benefits outweigh the disadvantages/costs'. The phrase "pros overshadow" is nowhere to be found on Google books, which suggests it is not a natural phrase at all, and will therefore drag your score down, not upward. ] Firstly, experiments on animals have made a great contribution to life-saving cures and treatments. It is supposed that most [over-generalization: It may well be that many ...] medical breakthroughs in the last 100 years have resulted directly from researches [Research is often uncountable or singular in English.] using animals. Secondly, animals are appropriate research subjects because they are similar to humans in many aspects. This can be illustrated by the example that all mammals including humans are descended from common ancestors and have the same set of organs which functions [organs=plural; functions=singular] in the same way. As humans and animals are biologically similar, they are both susceptible to condition and diseases such as cardiovascular diseases, cancer and diabetes… [Never use trailing dots in formal writing: it is a novelist's trick.]

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=the+pros%2Cpros+ ~~+%5Bpros+and+cons%5D%2C+pros&year_start=1800&year_end=2000&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cthe%20pros%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cpros%20~~%20%5Bpros%20and%20cons%5D%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cpros%3B%2Cc0

On the other hand, there are some reasons to support the statement that government should impose law on [restrict the use of animals as test subjects ] using animals as experiment subjects. The opponents of animal experimentation consider these experiments are cruel and inhumane because animal welfare is as vital as medical research. For instance, a great many animals used in cosmetic experiments are deprived of food and water in a prolonged period of physical retraint. [spelling] Another issue is that nowadays there are numerous alternative testing methods which can take over from using animals. For examples, [usually for example (singular)] artificial human skin made from [a] sheet of human skin cells planted in plastic tubes and wells can create more reliable as well as a more effective result than animal skin.

In conclusion, the above mentioned facts have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this issue, and it has still sparked controversy in recent years. [Yes, this was stated in the introduction.] As far as I am concerned, I put more emphasis on the idea that animal testing has to be [should be prohibited: 'forbidden' usually refers to a religious or ethical viewpoint, not a matter of government.] forbidden. People should have further consideration on this issue. [People should consider this issue further.]

My suggestion would be to indicate your own stance in the middle two paragraphs, otherwise you would be in danger of failing to 'present a clear position THROUGHOUT' (as per Band 7 marking criteria).

The grammar range and accuracy criteria for Band 8 include: 'the majority of sentences are error-free'.

The corresponding phrase for Band 7 is 'produces frequent error-free sentences'.

Poster · Answer

Please also note that "advice" in modern English is only ever countable if it refers to something like a consignment or delivery note.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=advices%2Can+advice%2Csome+advice%2C+&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cadvices%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Can%20advice%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Csome%20advice%3B%2Cc0

https://www.google.com/search?q=%22an+advice%22&tbas=0&tbm=bks&ei=iakcXMC6GorbvgS85KCQBQ&start=20&sa=N&ved=0ahUKEwiAo7XPxbDfAhWKrY8KHTwyCFIQ8tMDCGk&biw=1247&bih=958&dpr=1

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