Natural conversaion

Question

Could you confirm whether the following conversation sounds natural? Thank you.

Pete: Tom, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Tom: I want to be a fire fighter. I hope to save many people in danger. How about you?
Pete: I will become a businessman. I hope to make big money in the future.
Tom: I think you'll be so.
Pete: Thanks. I believe you too.

CalifJim · Accepted Answer

lucas21cwhether the following conversation sounds natural

I'm sorry to say that it is not the slightest bit natural. Most of it is grammatical, but as a dialog, it's not natural. What you're doing is creative writing. To write a dialog you need a realistic setting and people with a definite relationship to one another.

lucas21cPete: Tom, what do you want to be when you grow up?

This question is normally asked by an adult speaking to a child, so the first thing the reader thinks is that Pete is an adult and Tom is a child.

lucas21cTom: I want to be a fire fighter. I hope to save many people in danger. How about you?

The first sentence fits the reader's expectations, but children don't use expressions like "I hope to". That expression sounds like it comes from someone who is being interviewed for a job, so now it seems Pete and Tom are both adults, which contradicts what we thought in the first line of the dialog, which has "when you grow up".

The next thing we hear is "How about you?" Now it can't be an interview, because we never ask the interviewer a question like that. By this time we are lost completely about who these people are.

lucas21cPete: I will become a businessman. I hope to make big money in the future.

"I will" is not appropriate in this situation. In casual conversation, which this is starting to look like a little more, it would probably be "I'm going to be a businessman". Because we believe by now that this is not a job interview, again "I hope to" sounds out of place.

lucas21cTom: I think you'll be so.

It should be "I think you will be". "so" is not used like that in English. Tom is being encouraging, almost parental, almost like a father. But the dialog started out with the feeling that Tom was a child, so there are now too many contradictions for this dialog to be natural.

lucas21cPete: Thanks. I believe you too.

"too" is a bit odd. Pete hasn't said he believes anyone else, so why does he say that he believes you too?
________________

I know this all sounds brutal, but it may direct your thoughts in a way that will help you to create more realistic dialogs. You have very few grammar mistakes, so that's a positive thing. You need to have your grammar under control before you can write a good dialog, but you also have to have a realistic situation to work with when you write dialogs, and you have to have an enormous knowledge of the subtle expressions used in interpersonal interactions. As you gain further experience with English, you'll have a better grasp of these expressions.

Even though it had some problems, yours was an excellent attempt to do dialog.

CJ

Lucas21c · Answer

Thank you very much for your detailed explanation, CalifJim. It is really helpful contributed comments, which I need now, on improving my English skills. Based on your advice, I'd like to revise it to make more natural and post it here soon. Once again I appreciate your help.

Natural conversaion

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