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Towel fold 952 Posted 7 years ago
Grammar

Narrative Essay

Hello all,

I am doing the last revision on a narrative essay and have a question about one sentence that my professor doesn't like.

"This time around, our drive was supposed to be nineteen hours, unbeknownst to us the experience awaiting, we set off on our next adventure."

He didn't like my usage of the word "unbeknownst", so this is what I changed it to.

"This time around the drive to our new home was going to be nineteen hours, knowing not of the intense experience awaiting us, we set off on our next adventure."

Is the second sentence any better?

  

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2 Answers
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"This time around the drive to our home was going to be nineteen hours long, oblivious to/incognizant of the intense experience awaiting us, we set off on our next adventure."

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You are trying unsuccessfully to jam two sentences together into one. You need to use a conjunction, or make it two sentences.

Say

eg "This time around, our drive was supposed to be nineteen hours, but unbeknownst to us there was an adventure waiting.

eg "This time around the drive to our new home was supposed to be nineteen hours. Knowing not (or Not knoeing) of the i

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