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Anonymous Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
My UC college essay
Hi everyone!
I just wrote my college essay for the first time, and i know its horrible. I need some very honest advice. So please feel free to criticize.
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I have lived in Mumbai ever since I was born. Mumbai is the largest metropolitan city in India. I have had a chance to study in both, and Indian school as well as an International school. My parents are two successful entrepreneurs, who have not only worked for the money, but also for the betterment of the people around them. For 10 years my father was devoted full time to an organization, which is now called Initiatives of Change. Now, despite having a large company to manage, he still holds the position of a trustee at the center. My mother has been his support and help through out this journey. My family is a very globalised family who has traveled all over the world, and has met several remarkable personalities and has had the chance to experience several interesting cultures.
Despite the globalized life we live, we have not forgotten our Indian culture and tradition. In fact, it seeps deeper into out soul the more we step out into the rest of the world. As known to everybody, India, like many other cultures, has a countless number of festivals. No matter where in the world we stand, we always come back home to celebrate the festive time with the family and keep the bonds intact. For this, I would like to give all the credit to my parents.
When I grow older, I hope to be has successful as my parents by following the right path that they have chosen. I wish not only to be rich and wealthy, but also to serve the world that serves me. I strongly support the saying, 'you need to give a little, to get a little'. And as I mentioned, I dream of nurturing my family and children the way my parents have - as to keep the old Indian family bonds, and pass on the wise culture and tradition.
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I just wrote my college essay for the first time, and i know its horrible. I need some very honest advice. So please feel free to criticize.
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I have lived in Mumbai ever since I was born. Mumbai is the largest metropolitan city in India. I have had a chance to study in both, and Indian school as well as an International school. My parents are two successful entrepreneurs, who have not only worked for the money, but also for the betterment of the people around them. For 10 years my father was devoted full time to an organization, which is now called Initiatives of Change. Now, despite having a large company to manage, he still holds the position of a trustee at the center. My mother has been his support and help through out this journey. My family is a very globalised family who has traveled all over the world, and has met several remarkable personalities and has had the chance to experience several interesting cultures.
Despite the globalized life we live, we have not forgotten our Indian culture and tradition. In fact, it seeps deeper into out soul the more we step out into the rest of the world. As known to everybody, India, like many other cultures, has a countless number of festivals. No matter where in the world we stand, we always come back home to celebrate the festive time with the family and keep the bonds intact. For this, I would like to give all the credit to my parents.
When I grow older, I hope to be has successful as my parents by following the right path that they have chosen. I wish not only to be rich and wealthy, but also to serve the world that serves me. I strongly support the saying, 'you need to give a little, to get a little'. And as I mentioned, I dream of nurturing my family and children the way my parents have - as to keep the old Indian family bonds, and pass on the wise culture and tradition.
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Top answer
Hi. I read a lot of these essays and help my students perfect theirs as they apply for college, so I do have some experience in this. Additionally, I have spoken with many college recruiters and I have a good idea of what they are looking for in such an essay.
- Hi.
- I read a lot of these essays and help my students perfect theirs as they apply for college, so I do have some experience in this.
- Additionally, I have spoken with many college recruiters and I have a good idea of what they are looking for in such an essay.
- I'm going to tell you what I think about yours.
- It is rather well written.
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1 Answers
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Hi. I read a lot of these essays and help my students perfect theirs as they apply for college, so I do have some experience in this. Additionally, I have spoken with many college recruiters and I have a good idea of what they are looking for in such an essay. I'm going to tell you what I think about yours.
It is rather well written. You have a couple of very small mistakes that are not
It is rather well written. You have a couple of very small mistakes that are not
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