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Anonymous Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
My text
0 Hi eveybody ! I'm french guy. Can you say me if my text is good, and if there is errors say me what is it 05 0 02 br
00 Thanks ! 02 br
02 br
00 Richard and Elizabeth live in Harlem, in NY in 1920. 02 br
00 Richard was waiting for his train, on the plateform in the subway station. Suddenly, thwo coloured boys ran down the steps and stand near Richard and they looked frightened.An other coloured came and a white men follwing them. The police man took the coloured boys, including Richard, at the police station. Why Richard too ? Because he is too black, he is same age and he seemed with the others Blacks. The police men didn't any differences between the four boys. At the station house, Richard was asked on his name, adress and occupation. He said, he is innocent, he is not involved. But the policemen didn't believe him. 02 br
00 He wants the coloured boys to say to the policemen that he wasn't with them and that they don't know each other. Although they tought it was useless to speak, they accepted to tell the police that Richard was not with them. Of course, their word is useless. WHen the owner of the store came, Richard tried to relax because he would say that he was innocent. But when he must confirme the crime, he includes Richard with the others. Richard is helpless, he tries to rebel but he realizes it's useless. Desesperate, Richard gets violent, agressiv. He can't bear being accused wrongly. When he must to signe a confession, he refused to signe for somthing he hasn't commited. Now began the beating. The policemen beating him. 010id 1
00 Thanks ! 02 br
02 br
00 Richard and Elizabeth live in Harlem, in NY in 1920. 02 br
00 Richard was waiting for his train, on the plateform in the subway station. Suddenly, thwo coloured boys ran down the steps and stand near Richard and they looked frightened.An other coloured came and a white men follwing them. The police man took the coloured boys, including Richard, at the police station. Why Richard too ? Because he is too black, he is same age and he seemed with the others Blacks. The police men didn't any differences between the four boys. At the station house, Richard was asked on his name, adress and occupation. He said, he is innocent, he is not involved. But the policemen didn't believe him. 02 br
00 He wants the coloured boys to say to the policemen that he wasn't with them and that they don't know each other. Although they tought it was useless to speak, they accepted to tell the police that Richard was not with them. Of course, their word is useless. WHen the owner of the store came, Richard tried to relax because he would say that he was innocent. But when he must confirme the crime, he includes Richard with the others. Richard is helpless, he tries to rebel but he realizes it's useless. Desesperate, Richard gets violent, agressiv. He can't bear being accused wrongly. When he must to signe a confession, he refused to signe for somthing he hasn't commited. Now began the beating. The policemen beating him. 010id 1
Top answer
0 Other than typos and grammatical issues, your story lacks tension. Your story needs to build slowly, so the readers will feel bad for Richard in the end. 0-
- 0 Other than typos and grammatical issues, your story lacks tension.
- Your story needs to build slowly, so the readers will feel bad for Richard in the end.
- 0-
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1 Answers
0
0 Other than typos and grammatical issues, your story lacks tension. Your story needs to build slowly, so the readers will feel bad for Richard in the end. 0-
0
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