My second sample essay, help me to learn more

Question

Education comes not from books but from practical experience.

Books and practical experience both have important roles to play in the process education of individual. There are some situations where we need them both and other cases where we need one only .
The use of books to present abstract ideas is one kind of education that is better learn than practical experience. For instance, in math you learn formulas and you solve the question based on that formulas. In history, we do not need to go physically back in time and attend the events or the conflict that happened a hundreds years ago .
It is true, however, that certain subjects involve physical abilities and require dexterity. As an example, for a doctor to make a surgery he or she needs to see another doctor or apply it on a dead body to see where the organs are located and dissect dead bodies . same thing goes for the plumber and carpenter, they learn on the job . Competence is attained through practice.

In my opinoin, it depends on several things, materials matter, job skills . Some people can learn by reading books and absorb vast quntites of information, others learn by making mistakes, however, combination of two approaches work best .

Free_spirit · Accepted Answer

Education comes not from books but from practical experience.

Books and practical experience both have important roles to play in the process of education of individual. There are some situations where we need them both, and other cases where we need only one.
The use of books to present abstract ideas is one kind of education that is better learned [learnt] than through practical experience. For instance, in math you learn formulas and you solve the question based on those formulas. In history, we do not need physically to go back in time and attend the events or the conflict that happened a hundreds of years ago.
It is true, however, that certain subjects involve physical abilities and require dexterity [skill?]. As an example, for a doctor to perform surgery, he or she needs to see another doctor or apply it on a dead body to see where the organs are located and dissect dead bodies [This sentence needs to be reworded. See below]. The same thing goes [It is similar...] for a plumber or carpenter; they learn on the job. Competence is attained through practice.

In my opinoin, it depends on several things: materials matter [this is not clear, rewrite or explain to me what you mean], job skills . Some people can learn by reading books and absorb vast quantities of information, while others learn by making mistakes. However, a combination of the two approaches works best .

A good attempt. A few things need clarifying or rewording to make them clearer. I am not sure what you mean by "materials matter, job skills". If this is only two things, then I would write: "... it depends on two things: materials matter and job skills." (but what is "materials matter")

The main sentence that I think needs rewording is the example about doctors. Consider:

"For example, to learn surgery, a doctor needs to see other doctors performing operations, or to practice on dead bodies to see where the organs are located [and learn the required manual skills]."

This gets rid of the need for "he or she" (which is ok for non-specific gendered writing, but it is a little awkward." Rewording the sentence to simple say "doctors must do such and such" takes away the need to refer to a he or she.

Xmagedo · Answer

Hi,
Thank you very much for effort and your time. That was really helpful .
I would to ask few questions

1) First paragraph, last line. You changed it from' one only' to ' only one' ? Why ?
2) Second paragraph. From'physically to go back' why ?

3) In third paragraph. For a plumber or carpenter; they learn. You add semit coulm; <---? why?

4) Last paragraph. You put works than work. Why ?

As for the sentence, I actually meant that it depende on several things, material, subject matter, or skill to be learned. But could not explain in a better way. My mistake, sorry.

Thank you very much for your time, I wish you all the best.
Pleas answer my questions, it will really help me .
Thanks again

Free_spirit · Answer

1. To me, "only one" reads/sounds better than "one only." There are other cases where "one only" sounds better. As only is used here as an adjective, it is normally the case to put it before the noun.

2. oops... should be "need to physically go back " ... anyway, it reads better than way to me. Maybe it is because it splits up the verbs (need to, go back).

3. I like to use semicolons. That is personal preference. You could split it into two sentences, use a comma, a colon, or a conjunction:

The same thing goes for a plumber or carpenter. They learn on the job.
The same thing goes for a plumber or carpenter, they learn on the job.
The same thing goes for a plumber or carpenter: they learn on the job. (I don't recommend this option)

The same thing goes for a plumber or carpenter because they learn on the job.

I mainly use semicolon when it could easily be split into two sentences, but the second sentence is short and relies on the first (main) sentence, such as in this case.

4. Because it is the combination we are talking about. A combination is singular. Combinations work. A combination works. You don't need to, but you could rewrite the sentence like this:

"However, a combination, of the two approaches, works best."

I think that combination often requires an explanation to complete it, so you don't need the commas. It could also be written like this, showing that it is the combination that works, and that "the two approaches" simply explains what the combination is created from:

"However, a combination (of the two approaches) works best."

Another way to rewrite it:

"However, combining the two approaches works best."

Here we are still saying that it is the process of combining that works best, not the two approaches by themselves (as separate things).

I hope this is clear enough.

Xmagedo · Answer

Thank you
That was helpful, thank you very much.

My second sample essay, help me to learn more

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