"My Room" Paragraph's Correction

Question

I have an assaignment to write a descreptive paragraph about my room , I wrote one but I am not sure if this paragraph covers all ( topic sentence, controling idea, coherence , concluding sentence) and maybe there are several grammertical mistake. Can anyone tell me how to make it better..?

My Room

The most organize room in my house is where I live. My room is a very cheerful place for me; it has a balcony which gives me a great outlook of sunny and rainy weathers, a wash room, a bed, a personal computer and a cabin for keeping my clean cloths. I tried to keep my room clean and organize most of the time. Often I take a cup of coffee and enjoyed it at the balcony. My room is very quiet and that is why most of my complex works are done in here. Although I do not like the color of my room, it is pale white with few dark spots on it. In addition, I have a large stand fan in the middle of my room, which I do appreciate but do not like; because it gives an ugly point of view towards my room. However, all of my friends like my room and esteemed me for keeping it clean and organized. In the weekend, few of my friends came over and stayed in my room for a long time. In that meantime, we watch movies, eat snacks and chat about life pursuits. Subsequently merging all pros and cons, I really love and admire my room for giving me the most satisfaction in my life.

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

Hello, AukI - and welcome to English Forums.

I have underlined the most basic errors. Fix those, and we will review your paragraph again.

My Room

The most organize room in my house is where I live. My room is a very cheerful place for me; it has a balcony which gives me a great outlook of sunny and rainy weathers, a wash room, a bed, a personal computer and a cabin for keeping my clean cloths. I tried to keep my room clean and organize most of the time. Often I take a cup of coffee and enjoyed it at the balcony. My room is very quiet and that is why most of my complex works are done in here. Although I do not like the color of my room, it is pale white with few dark spots on it. In addition, I have a large stand fan in the middle of my room, which I do appreciate but do not like; because it gives an ugly point of view towards my room. However, all of my friends like my room and esteemed me for keeping it clean and organized. In the weekend, few of my friends came over and stayed in my room for a long time. In that meantime, we watch movies, eat snacks and chat about life pursuits. Subsequently merging all pros and cons, I really love and admire my room for giving me the most satisfaction in my life.

AukI · Answer

My Room

The most organized room in my house is where I live. My room is a very cheerful place for me; it has a balcony which gives me a great view of sunny and rainy weather, a toilet, a bed, a personal computer and a cabinet for keeping my clean cloth. I always try to keep my room clean and organized. Often I take a cup of coffee and enjoy it on the balcony. My room is very quiet place and that is why most of my complex works are done here. However, I do not like the color of my room, it is pale white containing few dark spots on it. In addition, I have a large stand fan in the middle of my room, which I do not like because it gives an ugly point of view towards my room. However, all of my friends like my room and esteem me for keeping it clean and organized. In the weekend, few of my friends come over and stayed in my room for a long time. In these during time, we watch movies, eat snacks and chat about life pursuits. In spite of everything, I really love my room for giving me the most satisfaction in my life.

Hello Micawber,

How you doing ? Thank you very much for helping me . I am really too much week in english . I tried to correct all of your underlined words , don't know if I got those right or not..

Please help , I have to submit this tomorrow.

Have nice day.

Thanks in advance.

Mister Micawber · Answer

My Room

The most organized room in my house is where I live. My room is a very cheerful place for me; it has a balcony which gives me a great view of sunny and rainy weather, a bathroom, a bed, a personal computer and a cabinet for keeping my clean clothes. I always try to keep my room clean and organized. Often I take a cup of coffee and enjoy it on the balcony. My room is a very quiet place, and that is why most of my difficult work is done here. However, I do not like the color of my room: it is pale white with a few dark spots on it. In addition, I have a large standing fan in the middle of my room, which I do not like because it looks ugly in my room. However, all of my friends like my room and esteem me for keeping it clean and organized. On the weekend, a few of my friends come over and stay in my room for a long time. We watch movies, eat snacks and chat about life pursuits. In spite of everything, I really love my room for giving me the most satisfaction in my life.

Anonymous · Answer

'Thanks' is not a word to show my gracious towards you.

Really appriciated your help and really love this site , amazing.

"My Room" Paragraph's Correction

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