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Please check my grammar.

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A PR consultancy retained by the Australian Dental Association with a budget of $100,000 to come up with a response to this issue for WA.

Many teenagers in WA is confronting a teeth problem by their abnormal consumption and piercing. The Australian Dental Association has found binge drink too much soft drink will create long term damage for their teeth. In addition, the association also found that mostly the damage comes from drinking soft drink regularly.

The Australian Dental Association has created a campaign aims to decrease a teeth damage, especially binge drink which will case serious effect on teenagers in WA. The goal is to decrease at least 50% of teeth damage on teenagers. The objective of this campaign is to raise an awareness of healthy teeth among teenagers and young people.

This campaign targets at young adults and teenagers who have abnormal consumptions; young people who take drug, young people who normally drink soft drink, sport drink, fruit juice and high sugar content drink. Moreover, it targets at young people who like to have lip rings, lip studs or tongue piercing. The campaign comes up with this message” Getting out of a binge-drink habit or loosing your teeth forever.”

The strategy of this campaign is to a survey on high school students and university students in WA area. A survey will be conducted at high schools (private and public schools) and universities to research what is the actual reason of their abnormal consumption and piercing. Then there will be an event aims to educate young people about what are the healthy habits and what really cause a serious effect on their teeth. This event will include a famous band to encourage young people to get involved. This event will be held in the city which will be easy to get into the event.

This campaign will not take time to finish off, however the Australian Dental Association will has to keep looking at the long term result. By completing the campaign, abnormal consumption of young people and piercing will decrease. If there are large amount of young people went to the event, they will be more understand and less consuming unhealthy drink. Therefore, the objectives of this campaign will be achieved by completing this event.

Nona the brit · Accepted Answer

Quite a few problems I'm afraid. Some verb tense problems and ungrammatical structures but otherwise mainly incorrect word choices.

Many teenagers in WA are (teenagers is plural) (confronting - incorrect word) facing teeth problems (plural) caused by their (abnormal consumption - this doesn't work. Abnormal consumption of what? Abnormal by whose standards? 'Consumptions' is not a noun) and (piercing - incorrect word. Piercing of teeth? Doesn't make sense. Oh I see that by reading on you are referring to body piercing. You need to say 'piercings' plural to make this clear and it would be wise to say body or facial piercings, otherwise it just reads as though you are talking about their teeth). The Australian Dental Association has found binge drinking (verb tense) too much soft drink will create long term damage to their teeth. In addition, the association also found that most of the damage comes from drinking soft drinks regularly.

The Australian Dental Association has created a campaign that aims to decrease tooth decay, especially the binge drinking (note: this phrase used alone applies to binging on alchohol, so you would be wise to point out that you mean binging on soft drinks). which has a serious effect on teenagers in WA. The goal is to decrease teenagers' tooth decay by at least 50%. . The objective of this campaign is to raise an awareness of healthy teeth among teenagers and young people.

I've just highlighted problem areas in the rest for you to try fixing as if this is for a course or your portfolio, it's important that it is your own work.

This campaign targets at young adults and teenagers who have abnormal consumptions; young people who take drug, young people who normally drink soft drink, sport drink, fruit juice and high sugar content drink. Moreover, it targets at young people who like to have lip rings, lip studs or tongue piercing. The campaign comes up with this message” Getting out of a binge-drink habit or loosing your teeth forever.”

The strategy of this campaign is to a survey on high school students and university students in WA area. A survey will be conducted at high schools (private and public schools) and universities to research what is the actual reason of their abnormal consumption and piercing. Then there will be an event aims to educate young people about what are the healthy habits and what really cause a serious effect on their teeth. This event will include a famous band to encourage young people to get involved. This event will be held in the city which will be easy to get into the event.

This campaign will not take time to finish off, however the Australian Dental Association will has to keep looking at the long term result. By completing the campaign, abnormal consumption of young people and piercing will decrease. If there are large amount of young people went to the event, they will be more understand and less consuming unhealthy drink. Therefore, the objectives of this campaign will be achieved by completing this event.

Keewi · Answer

Thank you, nona the brit.

I have tried to edit what you highlighted. Some of them, I don't know.

Thank you.

This campaign is clearly targeted on young adults and teenagers who take drugs, young people who normally drink soft drinking, sport drinking, fruit juice and high sugar content drinking. Moreover, it targets at young people who like to have lip rings, lip studs or tongue piercings. The campaign comes up with this message” Getting out of a binge-drink habit or loosing your teeth forever.”

The strategy of this campaign is to do a survey on high school students and university students in WA area. A survey will be conducted at high schools (private and public schools) and universities to research the actual reason of their consumption and piercings. Then there will be an event that aiming at educating young people about what are the healthy habits and what really cause a serious effect on their teeth. This event will include a famous band to encourage young people to get involved. This event will be held in the city which will be easy to get into the event.

This campaign will not take time , however the Australian Dental Association will has to keep looking at the long term result. By completing the campaign, the consumption of young people and piercings will decrease. If there are large amount of young people go to the event, they will be more understand and less consuming unhealthy drink. Therefore, the objectives of this campaign will be achieved by completing this event.

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