My Persuasive Essay- Critiques Needed!

Hi there! Here is my persuasive essay, all critiques are needed! I am not totally satified with it, so I would greatly appreciate it if you could give me tips for revision, things I should change, etc. My thesis statement is in bold. Thanks!

Exercise Matters!



On a typical week day evening in a large studio, a group of dancers stretch, warm up,



and dance to combinations of challenging ballet steps. In a park nearby, several athletes are running and kicking a ball, lost in the intensity of a big soccer game. Two streets down, a mother, father, daughter, and a black lab are walking down the street enjoying the fresh evening air. What do these very different people have in common? They are all taking part in a form of exercise. Many Americans today have become sedentary, or lacking physical activity in their lives because of modern conveniences. This causes many overall health issues. Exercise is absolutely essential for everyone in order to lead a healthy lifestyle.

Many people in the today lead busy lives with work, school, and other activities that leave a person exhausted and believe that they have no time to exercise. This is not true. It is not necessary to join a gym or local sports group to stay active. For example, on a typical Friday evening, my whole family is at home with no scheduled activities, so we always try to do something together. Instead of going to see a movie, if the weather permits, we go for a 2 mile walk and then jump on our trampoline, or swim in our pool in the summer. Going to the movies may sound like more fun, but exercising together is a smarter, healthier, not to mention less expensive choice. Staying active may be as simple as taking the stairs, walking to nearby places, or choosing to go for a jog instead of watching a TV program. It is surprising to see the many opportunities for physical activities in our daily lives. The choice to use those opportunities is up to the individual.

Many health problems in the today are caused by a lack of regular physical activity. The main and most serious crisis is the condition of being overweight or obese. In 2004, 66 % of US adults were overweight or obese, and 16 % of children were overweight, with 34 % at a risk for becoming overweight. These statistics are startling, and are expected to rise. In fact, US researchers predicted that 75 % of Americans will be overweight by the year 2015. Obesity isn’t the only problem that may arise from leading a sedentary lifestyle. It is also linked to the development of many illnesses, such as chronic diseases, which include cardiovascular (or heart) disease, strokes, certain forms of cancer, and high blood pressure. These serious issues can be prevented by simply adding physical activity to a healthy diet.

Physical activity has many benefits for everyone. While improving an individual’s appearance, it also makes them feel good about themselves. Belonging to a team sport or group gives a feeling of importance, and is also a good opportunity to make friends. Physical activity also provides the body with many improvements, such as strengthening of the heart and lungs, a good ratio of muscle mass to fat mass, an increase in metabolic rate, more calories are burned with the increase in muscle mass, and much more. There are many social benefits as well, including reduced depression, increased self confidence, improved self image and reduced anxiety. Personally, exercising makes me forget my worries and feel calm and happy after a workout. So, exercise not only benefits the body, it also relieves the mind of troubles and provides a sense of happiness and well being.

We all want to live a long, happy, and productive life. Leading a sedentary lifestyle will not achieve this goal. Everyone has the ability to make the difference in their overall health through physical activity. Exercise is the key to increase the healthy years that a person will live, so why not start now?



Thanks for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!