My Ielts writing task 2 essay needs feedbacks

TOPIC: People should look after their health as a duty to society where they live, rather tahn their own benefits. What extent do you agree or disagree?

ESSAY:
People should have the responsibility to notify their health conditions because of the community's benefits instead of their advantages. I somewhat agree with this opinion.

On the one hand, in terms of society's benefits as a whole, it is undeniable that people should be self-conscious about their health and do not put harm to others. For example, infectious diseases such as malaria, yellow fever and get others infected if the patient does not keep the distance from others in public places. Thus, the patient should wear a mask and carry their hygienic stuff when they in public. Furthermore, keeping track of health states is a good way to know and cure illness at the beginning. As a result, people's health will be improved and do not put pressure on insurance and government healthcare fundings.

On the other hand, If people do not pay attention to their health condition, the community will be affected. To illustrate, the citizens who are the main workforce, If they keep up the sedentary lifestyle they will face fatal illnesses such as diabetes and high-blood pressure. Therefore, the economic development will be slow down due to the lack of work productivity of employees.

In conclusion, I somewhat agree with the opinion because I think bot society's advantages and those of individuals should be considered equally crucial