My Ielts writing task 2 essay needs feedbacks

TOPIC: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however believe that school is a play to learn this.
Disscuss both view and give your own opinion.

ESSAY:

Some people contend that parents are liable to raise children to be good citizens whereas others claim that school should hold accountable for teaching this to the student. From my perspective, I think both schools and families have the responsibility to create better residents for the community.

On the one hand, in terms of characteristics, parents have the dominant role in teaching children how to behave well and appropriately. This is because parents are the ones who are closest and this close-knit relationship affects children's thoughts and manners daily until they grow up. For example, in the family feast, the parent usually reminds their children how to greet the guest with excitement, hospitality and dress suitably. Furthermore, when it comes to experiences and know-how knowledge, no one can give those things to younger citizens than parents. At dinner, lunch or any other family time, parents always advise children about life such as they should do to overcome adversity. Such things will make children courageous and optimistic about life

On the other hand, the school develops a regulation system and pattern trait for the student to follow and learn, as a result, they become more responsible and better at skills such as problem-solving and socializing. A good illustration is that every student is given a task to complete such as homework or school work on time, therefore, they have to fulfill otherwise they will face punishment. Also, a good citizen can not be a dependant on family or society and education will equip them will skills, the knowledge that necessary for their future careers besides indispensable aforementioned personalities.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that school and parents should be responsible for making children a good person in terms of manners, characteristics as well as a well-trained worker of the national workforce.