My Ielts writing task 2 essay needs feedbacks

TOPIC: Some people believe that it is the best to accept a bad situation such as unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Other argue that it is better to try to improve such situations.
Disscuss both view and give your own opinion

ESSAY:
Some people contend that when it comes to a bad circumstance, it is advisable to accept whereas other opine that actions should be taken instead of overlooking such problems.

On the one hand, acceptance is highly demanded in some contents due to its benefits. For example, in sport competition, the team beated even patheticly should show the respect towards their rival therefore enhancing the sportmanship as well deter unwanted disputes. Futhermore, acceptance play a crucial role in social relationships. In a family, parents and children may find the misunderstandings which are insoluble such as arguments related to generation gap in their daily life. However, if parent and childrens didn't lend an sympathetic ears to the other and accept their mistakes, it would be a long-lasting scratch in the connection between them.

On the other hand, acceptance will be considered as ignorance and heartless behaviour. A good example for this is that many people witness a home-less person shaking in the freezing cold but just keep walking through him as if he was invinsible. Besides, when confronting a hindrance, giving up is unacceptable. If the job is not satisfying, quit it. Grappling with money shortage would be overcomed if there are a careful plan as well as a sustainable persistence. Thus, taking an intitative in dealing with adversities and not being careless are better than helplessly let it happen

In conclusion, i believe both arguments have their points. On balance, i strongly belive that it is vital and necessary for people to put their effort in converting the situation rather than let it go and act as nothing happen.