My first sonnet ever! Any feedback would be greatly appreciated :)

Question

I will struggle to remain seriousWhen people of spellbound nature seek why'sBut I don't judge thee obliviousAs we can be susceptible to liesEmotion is simply the consequenceTo that of a fullfledged human beingPast indiscretions of omnipotenceSorley left us terrified of feelingSo to recall, we must remain silentAnd rejoice in our primordial highsThis ultimately avoids discontentThat a superficial life give ariseTo each their own, as each our own we areOn a journey to be more than subpar

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The meter is slightly off. It should be iambic pentameter: _^ _^ _^ _^ _^ , that is five units of unstressed-stressed syllables. It might be revised slightly, just for the sake of meter, as follows. However, the logic of the poem remains questionable.

I ^struggle ^to re^main full ^seri^ous

when ^people's ^spellbound ^natures ^seek the ^why's.

But ^I don't ^judge the

I ^struggle ^to re^main full ^seri^ous

when ^people's ^spellbound ^natures ^seek the ^why's.

But ^I don't ^judge thee ^now o^blivi^ous,

as ^we can ^be sus^cepti^ble to ^lies.

E^motion ^is the ^nat'ral ^conse^quence

of ^any ^fullfledged ^loving ^human ^be'ng.

Past ^indis^cretions ^of om^nipo^tence

will ^sorely ^leave us ^terri^fied of ^dreams.

So ^to re^call, we ^must re^main si^lent

and ^rejoice ^in our ^primal ^highs.

This ^will at ^length a^void the ^discon^tent

that ^to a ^super^ficial ^life gives ^rise.

To ^each his ^own, as ^we our ^own we ^are

on ^our ^journey ^far from ^the sub^par.

My first sonnet ever! Any feedback would be greatly appreciated :)

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