0
NSHASHBA Posted 17 years ago
Grammar

My first personal story ..

Be carefully

Emotion: movie
        it was winter of 2002 the month of January when I come back from the mosque after noon I had nothing to do; so I sat in the office and I started Sailing in the Web I have not install any anti-virus; I entered in games website and I started playing my enjoyable game but every 4 minutes it emerge Window advertising it was Written in it travel to America with ten dollars only; this window disturbed me until i pressed on ok suddenly I saw a face of savage how strange? In Two seconds it disappeared… what is this? And I saw all my personal information my name my bank account... it wrote in the pc I noted the process of sending information to the site And now I can not control the computer after few minutes the face of savage went out from the computer and entered in computer of my friend
I traveled to America with the plane in 15 minutes when I arrived at the company I told them the problem they sent with me five men to eradicate the virus and when they arrived to the house they are entered into the computer and they killed the virus completely and they told me his name it was Trojan horse 
  at the end, 
I BOUGHT avast anti-virus 
the five men advised me to never enter the net and the computer without anti viruses software.....it names a virus of Trojan horse
Emotion: big smile                this is my first attempt and I hope that I have succeed in it ....my friends can help me with correcting my Mistakes
thanks a lot
  

Top answer

Congratulations , you did well , it's an exciting story but should focus on the grammar . You've talked about the past , although that you've used ( come ) , (they are) instead of (came ) , (they were) . These are some wrongs which i noted .

  • Congratulations , you did well , it's an exciting story but should focus on the grammar .
  • You've talked about the past , although that you've used ( come ) , (they are) instead of (came ) , (they were) .
  • These are some wrongs which i noted .
  • But it's good attempt as firs story .
  • Continue my friend , i hope to see you famous author soon .
Free · every Monday

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.

2 Answers
0
Congratulations , you did well , it's an exciting story but should focus on the grammar . You've talked about the past , although that you've used ( come ) , (they are) instead of (came ) , (they were) . These are some wrongs which i noted . But it's good attempt as firs story
0
Thanks a lot my friend you encouraged me to learn more about english when you Gave me my Mistakes

Related Questions