My favourite joke

Question

Here is the joke I cherish most, because I love one-liners that play on words' double meanings.

"This man was fired with enthusiasm. You will be lucky if you can get him to work for you."
Do you have this kind of jokes that have to do with Enlgish usage and word's double meanings? If so, please post it for me.
Shine.

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]Do you have this kind of jokes that have to do with Enlgish usage and word's double meanings? If so, please post it for me.[/nq]
My favorite is a triple pun.
It's not all that funny, but it is a perfect triple pun.

Three brothers bought a cattle ranch, where they proposed to raise and sell beef cattle. They wrote their mother and asked her to suggest a name for their new ranch. She replied that they should name the ranch "Focus", because that's where the sons raise meat.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Do you have this kind of jokes that have to do with Enlgish usage and word's double meanings? If so, please post it for me.[/nq]
Dear Search Committee Chair,
I am writing this letter for Mr. John Smith who has applied for a position
in your department. I should start by saying that I cannot recommend him
too highly.
In fact, there is no other student with whom I can adequately compare him,
and I am sure that the amount of mathematics he knows will surprise you.
His dissertation is the sort of work you don't expect to see these days. It
definitely demonstrates his complete capabilities. In closing, let me say that you will be fortunate if you can get him to
work for you.
Sincerely,
A. D. Visor (Prof.)

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]"This man was fired with enthusiasm. You will be lucky if you can get himto work for you." Do you have this kind of jokes that have to do with Enlgish usage andword's double meanings? If so, please post it for me.[/nq]
(Found on the internet ...)
Problem: Having to write letters of recommendation for people with very dubious qualifications can cause serious legal troubles in a time when laws have eroded the confidentiality of business letters. In most states, job applicants have the right to read the letters of recommendation and can even file suit against the writer if the contents are negative.

Solution: Here is an arsenal of statements that can be read two ways: You are able to state a negative opinion of the ex-employees poor work habits, while allowing the ex-employee to believe that it is high praise. When the writer uses these, whether perceived correctly or not by the ex-employee, the phrases are virtually litigation-proof.
1. To describe a person who is extremely lazy: "In my opinion, you will bevery fortunate to get this person to work for you."
2. To describe a person who is totally inept: "I most enthusiasticallyrecommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever."
3. To describe an ex-employee who you did not get on with: "I am pleased tosay that this candidate is a former colleague of mine."
4. To describe a candidate who is so unproductive that the job would bebetter left unfilled: "I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."

5. To describe someone who is very unpopular: "You won't find many peoplelike him."

6. To describe someone who is chronically absent: "A man like him is hard tofind."

7. To describe a job applicant who is not worth further consideration: "Iwould urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment."

8. To describe a person with lackluster credentials: "All in all, I cannotrecommend this candidate too highly."
David Fisher
Sydney, Australia

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]"This man was fired with enthusiasm. You will be lucky if you can get him to work for you." Do you have this kind of jokes that have to do with Enlgish usage and word's double meanings? If so, please post it for me. Shine.[/nq]
Does this one qualify:
Because his legs were shot off by canonball, he had to put down his arms.

It's an old one, told by my English tutor donkey's years ago when I took a course in Oxford and she explained what a pun was.

Cheers
http://home.in.tum.de/~jain/software/oe-quotefix/
A little learning is a dang'rous thing.;
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring;
There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain,
And drinking largely sobers us again.
Alexander Pope

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Because his legs were shot off by canonball, he had to put down his arms. It's an old one, told by my English tutor donkey's years ago when I took a course in Oxford and she explained what a pun was.[/nq]
She didn't tell you the whole rhyme:
Ben Battle was a soldier bold,
And used to war's alarms.
A cannon-ball took off his legs,
So he laid down his arms.
Mike.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Here is the joke I cherish most, because I love one-liners that playon words' double meanings.[/nq]
I'm more familiar with "one-liner" meaning a joke that's really one line, like "Now take my wife please."
[nq:1]"This man was fired with enthusiasm. You will be lucky if you can gethim to work for you." Do you have this kind of jokes that have to do with Enlgish usage andword's double meanings? If so, please post it for me.[/nq]
Two atoms are walking down the street. One says, "Hey, I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first one says, "Yes, I'm positive."
When I tell my students that's my favorite physics joke, they wonder what the worse ones are like.

Jerry Friedman

Usenet · Answer

'Why is the Earth flat at the poles'?
'To stop the Eskimos from sliding off.'
(My Physics teacher)
Mike

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]"This man was fired with enthusiasm. You will be lucky if you can get him to work for you." Do you have this kind of jokes that have to do with Enlgish usage and word's double meanings? If so, please post it for me.[/nq]
"I went to the legislature to see government in action, but I couldn't decide whether that was two words or three."

Cheers, Harvey
Ottawa/Toronto/Edmonton for 30 years;
Southern England for the past 22 years.
(for e-mail, change harvey.news to harvey.van)

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]Do you have this kind of jokes that have to do with Enlgish usage and word's double meanings? If so, please post it for me.[/nq]
[nq:1]My favorite is a triple pun. It's not all that funny, but it is a perfect triple pun. Three brothers ... for their new ranch. She replied that they should name the ranch "Focus", because that's where the sons raise meat.[/nq]
I don't get it. (I don't mean that I don't think it's funny (though I don't), I mean I actually don't see any of the three meanings of the alleged pun)

Usenet · Answer

Jordan Abel filted:
[nq:2]My favorite is a triple pun. It's not all that ... the ranch "Focus", because that's where the sons raise meat.[/nq]
[nq:1]I don't get it. (I don't mean that I don't think it's funny (though I don't), I mean I actually don't see any of the three meanings of the alleged pun)[/nq]
I don't remember if Asimov used the term "triple pun" when he told the same story, but in any event it doesn't refer to three meanings, but to a pun involving three words: "sons raise meat" = "sun's rays meet"..r

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