My essay

Question

write an essay that describes and discusses the various pressures present in our society that suggest we should look, dress, or act in particular ways.

example: models toys and attitudes barbie, ken, skipper, action fingures, how advertising print or televised reflects and or shapes standards of beauty, actors music videos

how to inform yourself: select personal experiences or observations that may have larger social implications, connect personal experinces and observations to larger social relaities, assess yourself and others around you are largely immune to these pressures or otherwise?, he looking for ward of my explicit thesis and produce a connected techniques of transition.

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my topic: britney spears

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i like briney spears, since i was 18 years old. my family and i are loved to listening to her music albums. i like her songs most, because she's a teenager. she's a talented singer. she looks beautiful. my specific topic is briney spears music entertains me at her. i like britney spears clothes when she wears on stage and on her wedding's day. it looks fashion and attractive to me. my purpose is to talk about how she looks, act, and dress. my persuade to write about britney spears is a role model to teen because i am one of her fan.

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how is my introduction?
i have body and conclusion but i can't type on here now, sorry, please help my english and write my essay please? sorry i am a guest. i register now!

Peter · Accepted Answer

ok this is a nice short one I can tackle... welcome to the forms Beautymaid!

here are some corrections...

I'VE LIKED brintney spears since I was 18 years old.

My family and I love listening to her albums

I like her songs (or you could say music) because she's a teenager.

I personally like the full stops with the next bit buuuuuuut.....

because she's a teenage, a talented singer and she looks beautiful.

ok the next bit seems to be a little thin on construction. You are trying to say that the point of the essay is to say you find Britney Spears entertaining but it is not usually a good idea to actually say that. ok *deep *** Since this is the case try to work in some atmosphere or mood... describe britney spears as you see her, explain perhaps how her music makes you feel. In fact you might have noticed the challenge presented said "connect personal experiences and observations to larger social realities". Personally I would love to know what britney spears is in fact doing to the larger society as a whole. I prefer Christina though... *** teehee.

It's a good effort, though as the question says try to relate the topic more to yourself and your observations

.

BeautyMaid · Answer

hi peter,

can you revise this essay for me, it shoulds has 3 topics for thesis in the introduction, to entertains, to inform, and to persuade. i need body of three explain and a conclusion from thesis in the introduction. my english skill is bad, i want good english person to look at my essay and correct where those have had error. please help me out, till then, i really preciate your help. my mind can be here always with you, untill then, i am not very good at english and hopefully, this is forum helping me to improve my english and writing essay skill.

-maria

There are various pressures in our society that suggest that we should look, dress, or act in particular ways. The media is one such pressure in our society that influences teenagers look, dress, and act like Britney Spears. Media sources such as music videos, concert videos, newspaper and magazine interviews provide vast information on Britney Spears. I have liked Britney Spears since I was 18 years old. I love listening to her albums. I like her because she's a talented singer, her music entertains me lots, and she looks beautiful.

Here are some information on Britney Spears. Her full name is Britney Jean Spears. She has nicknames which are Bit Bit and Brit. Her date of birth is December 2, 1981. Her place of birth is Kentwook, Louisiana, U.S.A. Her astrological sign is Sagittarius. Her height is 5'4". She lives in the state of New York and Kentwood. Her natural hair colour is brown. Her eye color is brown. Her father's name is Jamie Spears. Her mother's name is Lynne Spears. Britney Spears is featured in a lot of concert videos. Britney Spears likes to look good on every show that she sings on stage. Britney usually goes shopping online and offline for her outfits. She's usually shopping at the Old Navy and any of the stores she wishes to go to. Britney Spears once told an interviewer in Sacramento that Britney Spears getting dress for a night on the town is stressful. "I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Look is important, Britney Spears once said. Look makes everyone in the audience pay attention to me and makes me earn more money. Clothes are expensive but, it has to do with money.", as quoted from this interview. She has lots of money to spend on her clothes. She loves going to shop.

Britney Spears made me think of my school years. It reminded me of the times that I used to wear a school uniform. I like her music video, "Baby One More Time". She
wore school clothes in the video. It really impresses me. She looks young and beautiful. Her music relaxes me when I listen to her songs. Lyrics such as " oh baby baby, oh baby baby , how was i suppose to know that something wasn't right here, oh baby, baby i shouldn't have let you go and now you're out of sight, yeah." She's a good role model to me. Her music helps me to relax when I am feeling down. Somebody made me feel left out, and when I stay home alone. I miss my boyfriend too. "Baby One More Time" reminds me of him. I learned a lot about her. She is as beautiful as the way she sings. Britney Spears is a great role model. In an interview with the New York Times, Britney talked about the way her mother has always tried to guide her through her life and career. She says,"Always be true to yourself, dow what you want to do. Don't take any bull from anyone, and show them what you've got." Her dad said Britney Spears wanted the dancing, singing, and the style of her videos to come alive so she hiked up the skirt in the video to show alittle more skin. Britney was an overnight sensation when she entered the industry. She began to set fashion trends for girls everywhere around the world. Britney Spears designs many of the outfits that she wears on stage and tries to make each concert and experience for everyone who is there to have fun. She's doing a good job. I love her from the bottom of my heart. Being famous, Britney's rise from a child star to a young woman has been quite an experience. She has had the opportunities other people her age could only dream of. She means a lot to me too. I want to be her role model someday. I wish I could have her beautiful voice. I want to sing like her. Without the media, such as Britney Spears music videos and concert videos, interviews from magazines and newspapers, I might not be one of her millions of fans around the world.

I also wouldn't be influenced by how Britney Spears looks, dress, and act.
Britney friendship with justin timberlake of NSYNC started when the two became friends on the mickey mouse club series. britney has since been seen with colin farrelll who she has dated off and on. collin began turning heads in hollywood when he starred in joel schumacher's tiger land, a movie dedicated to the vietnam war. britney denied
rumors that she was dating fred durst of limp bizkit. everyone wants to know what briney is looking for in a guy. she has admitted to having a small crush on ben affleck and
who knows maybe they will get togheter eventually. whatever the future holds for her love life she has made a vow of abstinence that she intends to keep until she is married. and she's looking for a guy that has a wonderful personality and that can make her laugh and has a lot of confidence,she think that's very ****.

britney spears proud to becoming one of the singers since she was a little girl. britney spears friends with justin timberlake of NSYNC and had been dating with colin farrell. she's a good singer and she looks beautiful. i admired that she's my good role. model. i'd seen her dedicated song for me, baby baby one more time. it brought me back during i was in the school year with my boy friend. britney spears outfit are looking fabulous. she feels stressful when dress up for her concert and for her wedding's day. and britney spear said, dress up like a model girl that's really give her audience pay more attention to her and she can earn more money. britney spear is a pop teenager singer. and she's my favorite singer of all. i like her. it's because of who she is. And what i liked about her perform in those albums. she loves her parents and they're greatest support to her through those years since she was becoming a singer. fans are loved her and jason allen alexander loves her as the husband. britney spears successes in many of her song albums and i was her fan i buy a lot of her CD to listen when i was at home or when i was in my car drive to my friend house.

Peter · Answer

Right Maria, you have certainly come back with a great volume of infomation here!

Ok, let me try to help out..

The first paragraph is now looking more like an introduction?, you've brought up a good discussion point. That the media influences the way people dress, look think etc.

Now with the following paragraphs you've stated a lot of facts, the grammar isn't perfect but you seem to be communicating very well! Ok keeping all that in mind here are a few things:

First off, your body and conclusion don’t actually follow any argument; it seems to be a random list of factual 'bytes' strung together rather loosely. For example take the following clips from your essay

*** "I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Look is important, Britney Spears once said. Look makes everyone in the audience pay attention to me and makes me earn more money.

It really impresses me. She looks young and beautiful.

She is as beautiful as the way she sings. Britney Spears is a great role model.

Her dad said Britney Spears wanted the dancing, singing, and the style of her videos to come alive so she hiked up the skirt in the video to show a little more skin ***

All those points follow one line of thought:
*** Britney's beauty and her attitude towards that ***.

Try to keep the points together and discuss one at a time. Make it very clear what you are trying to say. Do you see what I mean?

. Ok let me give you another example.

*** Britney Spears is a great role model. In an interview with the New York Times, Britney talked about the way her mother has always tried to guide her through her life and career. She says, “Always be true to yourself, do what you want to do. Don't take any bull from anyone, and show them what you've got."

She's doing a good job. I love her from the bottom of my heart. ***

Ok here the idea is Britney’s effort to give young people a positive role model.

Ok so Maria basically (And I know I'm asking a lot, but It will really help) You should go through the essay and bring out The main points you want to make. Think hard about what you are trying to say. Very important!!!!! get your mind clear about what you want to say.

Then say one thing at a time. In the body list facts AND help the reader understand what you are thinking. Writing is about communicating your thoughts!

Then the introduction is easy just tell the reader what you are going to explain in the body.

Example: I have liked Britney Spears since I was 18 years old. I love listening to her albums. I like her because she's a talented singer, her music entertains me a lot, and she looks beautiful. When people watch TV they often look for role models in their favourite teen idols and pop stars, I think Britney spears is giving people a positive role model and more than that I believe she is beautiful.

You see it's easy because the idea is clearer!

As a conclusion, simply finish off explaining the main points you have made in the body.

Example: So It is plain to see that Britney is talented, has a great sense of fashion and really does try hard to inspire her Fans. This is why I will follow her career for as long as she continues to make music. I can't wait to see what she does next!

Did you get all that Maria? I'll probably be back on the forums in around 2 hours

I hope you still have time on your assignment.

BeautyMaid · Answer

hi peter,

1.please read my essay and correct where those have error, and make correction for me?
2. look the previous essay, could add more stuff into this essay, i need enough 3 page to 5 pages long to turn it in by two more days. i have time now, but i need someone to read and spell check my grammar.

+ in those you correct, i think, my spot has changed already, as soon as it looks okay with you, please take another look at my essay and tell me what i should do, hehe.

Britney Spears

There are various pressures in our society that suggest that we should look, dress, or act in particular ways. Media sources such as music videos, concert videos, newspaper and magazine articles is one such pressure in our society that influences teenagers to look, dress, and act like Britney spears.

In case one is not familiar with Britney spears, here is some information that I have provided about her. Her full name is Britney Jean Spears. She has nicknames which are Bit Bit and Brit. Her date of birth is December 2, 1981. Her place of birth is Kentwook, Louisiana, U.S.A. Her astrological sign is Sagittarius. Her height is 5’4. She lives in the state of New York and Kentwood. Her natural hair color is brown. Her eye color is brown. Her father's name is Jamie Spears. Her mother's name is Lynne Spears.
Britney Britney Spears is featured in a lot of concert videos where she sings on stage with various outfits. Britney Spears likes to look good whenever she sings on stage. She has many changes of outfits on stage. Teenagers emulate the clothes that she wears. Britney Spears once told an interviewer in Sacramento that she thinks that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Britney spears say that her look is important. She says that the way she looks makes everyone in the audience pay attention to her and because of that, she can earn more money.

Britney spears also have a lot of music videos. Her music videos also provide a lot of influence on the way that teenagers look, dress, and act. in her music video for her single entitled, “Baby One More Time”, Britney spears is wearing a school uniform. Everyone was also dancing like her in that video. .It really impresses me. She looks young and beautiful. She must have impressed a lot of young women too because a lot of them copied that look when the music video was released. Even if the young women did not have a school uniform, they still wore one just because Britney spears wore one in her music video. Everyone was also dancing like her in that video.

If people were to go to their local newsstands, they would see articles about Britney spears in a lot of magazines. She is very popular and that is why she has been featured on many magazine covers since her first album came out. She has millions of fans around the world. Many teenagers reading these magazines are greatly influenced by what they read.
Britney Spears is a great role model. In an interview with the New York Times, Britney talked about the way her mother has always tried to guide her through her life and career. She says, “Always be true to yourself, do what you want to do. Don't take any bull from anyone, and show them what you've got.” Her dad said Britney Spears wanted the dancing, singing, and the style of her videos to come alive so she hiked up the skirt in the video to show a little more skin. Britney was an overnight sensation when she entered the industry. She began to set fashion trends for girls everywhere around the world. Britney Spears designs many of the outfits that she wears on stage and tries to make each concert and experience for everyone who is there to have fun. She's doing a good job. I love her from the bottom of my heart. Being famous, Britney's rise from a child star to a young woman has been quite an experience. She has had the opportunities other people her age could only dream of. She means a lot to me too. I want to be her role model someday. I wish I could have her beautiful voice. I want to sing like her. Britney spears is as beautiful as the way she sings.

Media such as music videos, concert videos, and magazine articles are readily to available to millions of Britney spears fans around the world. Because of this media, many young women are easily influenced to looks, dress, and act like Britney spears.

Nona the brit · Answer

Let's look at what you are asked to do:

write an essay that describes and discusses the various pressures present in our society that suggest we should look, dress, or act in particular ways.

example: models toys and attitudes barbie, ken, skipper, action fingures, how advertising print or televised reflects and or shapes standards of beauty, actors music videos

how to inform yourself: select personal experiences or observations that may have larger social implications, connect personal experinces and observations to larger social relaities, assess yourself and others around you are largely immune to these pressures or otherwise?,

You have not been asked to write a fan's essay about Britney Spears, her life, her works, or how much you like her. So far if I were your teacher you would be getting a zero score - you can't use this request for a serious analysis as an excuse to write a Britney Spears adoration article. What relevance does her nickname, height, where she lives, how much you love her etc etc have to this topic? You are not answering the question at all or delivering an essay on the requested topics.

You need to use Britney Spears as an example to show how there are pressure in our society to suggest that we should look, dress or act. You should probably come up with more than one example, so don't just use Britney. Look beyond her for further examples and other types of influence, for example advertising and television shows. Use your personal experiences only if they have large social implications and connect them to larger social realities.

So far only the following parts of your essay even touch on what you have been asked to write about:, and these are just statements without any analysis or facutal back-up:

"Teenagers emulate the clothes that she wears.Even if the young women did not have a school uniform, they still wore one just because Britney spears wore one in her music video. Everyone was also dancing like her in that video. She began to set fashion trends for girls everywhere around the world."

A very few relevant words out of a whole load of I love Britney waffle. Best start again really.

Henrietta · Answer

I think its a little late for that, the deadline was 3rd March 2004

Good advice though... I couldn't agree more.

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