My 1st essay

Question

Ladies and gentleman, Im Conrad, 14. I live in Poland (somewhere in europe,but Ive got net acces:P) Can You do me a favour, and check this essay? Thanks

Topic:People attend college or university for many different reasons (for
example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).
Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific
reasons and examples to support your answer.

In my opinion people attend to college (or university) to have more opportunites in the future. Nowadays succes is a dream of many people around the world.
However, the most important reason of studing many students and milions of cans of Red Bull drunk is a salary. For example, in the USA, a person with university education earn about 70% more than someone with primary education.
Unfortunately, some people do it only for science degree. "I am bachelor, so I should earn more"-this is very popular in Poland. But dont be suprised luck of perspectives with Bachelor in Polish. Your degree havent got very much influence on Your life. "If you are good at it, you are welcome"- says many employers.
I also feel that many students attend to colleges and universites due to their ambitions and life aims. In fact they are students of standard value. Best universites are full of them. This phenomenom is very positive. Many religious treat life fulfilment as a fundamental thing in hapiness of life, that's why only this argument is right for many people.This is blind alley for someone concetraded just on succes, the family and love is in the background.
So, according to me, people attend to universities and colleges for better salary in the future and their ambitions. But you can also meet students which are doing it only for one word before their names and surnames.

237 words

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

AnonymousIn my opinion, people attend to college (or university) to have more opportunites in the future. Nowadays success is a dream of many people around the world. (Do you think that people in old times did not dream of success?)

However, the most important reason of studying for many students and milions of cans of Red Bull drunk (do you think that millions of cans of Red Bull are studying in university?) is a salary. For example, in the USA, a person with a university education earns about 70% more than someone with a primary education.
Unfortunately, some people do it only for science degree. "I am bachelor, so I should earn more" - this is a very popular statement (opinion) in Poland. But don't be suprised by the lack of job opportunities if you have a l~~uck of perspectives with~~ Bachelor's degree in Polish (I assume that you mean the Polish language.). Your degree will not have ~~haven't got~~ very much influence on Your (capitalize "you" when "You" refers to ***) life. "If you are good at it, you are welcome"- says many employers.
I also feel that many students attend to colleges and universites due to their ambitions and life aims. In fact, they are students with high values? of standard value. The best universites are full of them. This phenomenom is very positive. Many religious people treat life fulfilment as a fundamental thing for happiness in life;, that's why ~~only~~ this argument is right for many people.This is blind alley for someone concentrating ~~concetraded~~ just on succes;, for them, ~~the~~ family and love is in the background.
So, according to me, people attend to universities and colleges for better salaries in the future and because of their ambition to succeed. But you can also meet students who ~~which~~ are doing it only for the title - one word before their names and surnames.

Jemmali · Answer

My name’s Amara from Tunisia, I post this essay and I wish if someone kindly read it and give me some corrections and comments, thanks.

Nowadays , Education is considered for many people as an ultimate mean to get a dream job , From My Point of View (that might highly be shaped by my own experiences), i think that this idea is nonsense and is the main point that make difference between the developed and the underdeveloped countries. let me give you some things to think about.

Basically, everyone should keep in mind that the main goal of education is to gain knowledge and developing skills necessary for life. Education allows us to be aware of our rights and our duties toward the surrounding world, also it helped to establish a respect for the commons work.

Moreover education help to improve our ability to discern right from wrong and is considered as an excellent training in understanding how to relate facts one to another. (Math and its related subjects are valuable for this).

Finally , we should always remember that school education should stimulate an avid interest in learning for the sake of personal development and do not conclude that when we are through school, we finished by obtaining a small part of paper called diploma given in order to get a job.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Amara: You should have made a new posting, not added to Conrad's. Most people will not see it. You should pay more attention to capital letters. Also, some of your sentences are too long. This is a common mistake for new writers. Don't join clauses with "and" if their ideas are not closely related to each other.

JemmaliNowadays , education is considered by many people to be the ultimate means to get a dream job , From my point of view (that might highly be shaped by my own experiences), I think that this idea is nonsense and (new sentence) is the main point that makes the difference between the developed and the underdeveloped countries. Let me give you some things to think about.

Basically, everyone should keep in mind that the main goal of education is to gain knowledge and developing skills necessary for life. Education allows us to be aware of our rights and our duties toward the surrounding world, also it helps to establish a respect for ~~the commons~~ work.

Moreover education helps to improve our ability to discern right from wrong and is considered as an excellent training in understanding how to relate facts one to another. (Math and its related subjects are valuable for this).

Finally , we should always remember that school education should stimulate an avid interest in learning for the sake of personal development and (new sentence) do not conclude that when we are through school, we finished by obtaining a small part of paper called diploma given in order to get a job.

Jemmali · Answer

thank you AlpheccaStars

My 1st essay

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