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Dj Bueno Posted 21 years ago

Murderous Circus

Crying tiger

Losing power

Millions of laughter

Even fleas laugh

The circus becomes dark.



Greedy people

Seeking dollar

Are so cruel

Situation is hard

The tiger is warn-out.



The little tiger

Shedding tears

No one cares

They're spectators

Suddenly a child

Cleaves the huge crowd

Grabs the whip at last.



But it is too late

The cub's passed away

It needs a long break

Little hero cries

Where the tiger lies...
  

Top answer

Laughter is uncountable. Why not dollars ? Worn out , not warn-out .

— Mister Micawber

  • Laughter is uncountable.
  • Why not dollars ?
  • Worn out , not warn-out .
  • Suddenly...
  • at last ?
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12 Answers
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Laughter is uncountable.
Why not dollars?
Worn out, not warn-out.
Suddenly... at last?
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Mister Micawber
Laughter is uncountable.
Why not dollars?
Worn out, not warn-out.
Suddenly... at last?

In this poem laughter referres to disdainful spectators. Secondly,I used the word "dollar" cos I didn't want to ruin the rhyme(I mean I didn't use it on purpose).
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Come on Mr Micawber, don't be too strict... It's poems what we are talking about... Emotion: big smile
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This forum is where I am at my strictest, YoHf. Poetry is an art form, and requires even stricter and more careful use of the language than does prose. It is not an ad hoc outlet for upwelling emotions, but must be crafted with careful consideration. It is of no benefit to the aspiring poet to have his/her weaknesses hidden from him/her; considered repair is the only path to improvement.
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I used the word "dollar" cos I didn't want to ruin the rhyme

What does dollar rhyme with, DJ?
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I think she wanted it to rhyme with: hard
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In fact I wanted it to rhyme with "cruel"...Emotion: thinking
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Ehm... ^^... I can't see that rhyme, sry... Emotion: stick out tongue
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It works with Turkish accent maybe..Anyway..
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By the way, DJ, we cannot access a couple of your previous poems in this forum, because your thread subjects are composed only of asterisks (either you used asterisks, or you used spellings that the Machine thinks are obscene).

If you would like to start new threads for them with readable titles, please do so.
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