Multiple uses of "to..." in a sentence

Question

I know this is bad form, but other than being wordy, I can't tell the writer who supplied me this piece of content why it's bad form to use "to" three times in a single sentence:

To complete this payment, you need to provide your CPF in order to update your <company> account information.

I believe this could be better written as follows:

To complete this payment, update your <company> account with your CPF.

(Note: in the reader's context, the use of "CPF" is well-known and understood. )

Thanks for any insights you can provide.

Brian

Dimsumexpress · Accepted Answer

I guess by using too many "to" the main idea gets lost in the mix, or so it seems. My approach to this sentence is, completing the payment is the goal. If so, would this work: In order to complete the payment, please update your company's account with the latest CPF.
Just a thought....

Brian T. Phelps · Answer

Thanks for the suggestion. However, "In order to" itself introduces un-needed words. To quote a more qualified source than myself,

"So, what is the matter with ‘in order to’? It’s not wrong-it is just unnecessary.
‘To’ is all we need to convey the sense of ‘in order to.’ The other words are superfluous and do not add anything to the meaning or the presentation." (Language Usage Weblog)

Multiple uses of "to..." in a sentence

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