MSc Finance SOP- need as many opinions as everyone can muster

This is my SOP for MSc Finance which is research oriented and needs candidates who are analytical, have critical reasoning and are interested in research. Please read it and tell me your honest opinions as this is the only college I'm applying to and I want to GET IN no matter what. Also need your feedback in comments.

My desire to expand my knowledge about finance and research, and . I know my degree in economics and drive to learn makes me an ideal candidate for the rigours of this program and subsequently, the profession that follows it. I possess an innate leadership potential and an analytical mind-set which I have diligently cultivated throughout my school, college and later, while working.

My curiosity about the world was what led me to choose economics as my major in college. Before the crisis of 2008-09, economics was not a major part of my daily concerns, instead whether I would win the 100m sprint for my school was. However, it was only after 2008, as the world economy began to slow down and my father’s business suffered as a result, did I become increasingly interested in the field of economics and understood that economics plays a vital role in the life of every individual. I was in awe how economists employed theories and models to find solutions to insistent problems such as poverty, health and environmental degradation, and it was the best decision of my life to study economics in college.

As a student of economics, I developed a critical and analytical mind-set along with the ability to think profoundly about problems and find solutions. I became interested in the economics society, and also actively participated in other societies, especially the commerce society with whom I coordinated an Investor Awareness Program by The Institute of Company Secretaries of India, and it was during this time that I developed a fascination for finance and my involvement in more of such events, had a lasting impact by making me more confident and immeasurably improving my interpersonal skills. Towards the end of second year, I realised that I had to perform better academically than what I had done till then and due to my continued hard work, I was awarded with the certificate of merit for academic excellence.

In the final year of college, due to my interest in finance, I opted to study ‘Money and Financial Markets’ elective and scored the highest marks in that subject in the college. Opting for this course allowed me to study the basic workings of each type of financial market and instruments, further stimulating the fire of learning finance in me. Recognising my talent and immense contribution, I was elected as the President of the Economics Society of my college by my fellow peers, and I realised that this was an opportunity to demonstrate my leadership, management and organisational ability. I organised several events at both inter and intra college level, for the students and the local community allowing me to showcase how classroom learning can be applied to everyone’s benefit. I invited the local community to invest in eco-society where in turn the eco-society, hosted educational seminars by professors and experts, leading to improved quality of events and more funds for the society at the same time. One of the major experiences as President was my research for a programme on Environmental Degradation in India presided over by Professor Dr. R. S. Sharma of the faculty of environmental sciences of Delhi University, where I proposed using financial innovation and efficiency of financial markets to tackle pollution such as ‘green mutual funds’ and environmental finance.

After completing my college with first division, I interned at one of Asia’s largest education companies in their business development department intending to further polish my critical reasoning, teamwork and research skills. I not only enrolled students bringing in about Rs. 210,000 as registration alone, but my market research involving innovative selling methods improved profitability by 17% for my branch office. After completing my internship and wanting to work with real world business problems, I joined my father’s garment export business where I worked throughout the entire production process including financing orders and shipments leading me to become a better problem solver and a focused critical thinker. Though I gained an invaluable experience and continue to learn more about this business, I still haven’t satisfied my hunger for a career in finance and research and last August, completed an online Financial Trading Program.

My ambition is to research towards ways of using financial markets to tackle environmental degradation, as green finance is not only essential for economic development, but also counters the effects of negative externalities on profits in the future. However, I aim to keep an open mind towards my final thesis topic and one of major reasons for choosing this programme is because it gives ample time to explore the various fields in finance for the first nine months. I particularly look forward to meeting Professor Dr. Harjeet S. Bhabra because he has prior experience and expertise in supervising graduate research projects in areas such as corporate social responsibility and capital structure in emerging markets and these are the areas I am interested in. My initial goal immediately after the course is to obtain a demanding and rewarding position in this profession and I intend to use the Career Management Services of JMSB, which provides a link between industry professionals, alumni and students, to the fullest. To this end, I am especially interested in Corporate Governance & Executive Compensation and Mergers, Restructuring, and Corporate Control seminars and look forward to presenting my research in the Annual Graduate Research Exposition (AGRE), providing an opportunity to learn how to showcase my research directly to business managers and build connections with them. Furthermore, I aspire to join FISA, broadening my knowledge of both finance as a field of study and a profession by participating laboriously in its multifarious events.

I sincerely hope that I qualify all the requirements for MSc Finance Program and hope to continue my pursuit of knowledge and as a casual reader of philosophy I’d like to quote Socrates who said, “An unexamined life is not worth living”.

After many edits and a lot of omits, I guess I have reached my final draft which has 1010 words. Please provide me your valuable feedback.