MountainHiker I need you help with this essay(ESL erros)

Question

DEFINITION ESSAY

you will find some questions troughout the essay.Do I have many ESL erros?

The Meaning of Goals

What does a goal mean? A goal defines a condition towards which effort is directed. However, it is not clear. Shous Ajam, author of Management- The Life Wizard, describes a goal as a systematic process to think of anything you want and ultimately acquire it. Because of this, I personally believe that a goal is a wish of achieving something. In addition, achieving a goal depends in how much effort and dedication you put from your own into it. Goals can vary so differently, so a good idea is to break them down in three terms of time: long-term goals, intermediate- term goals, and short-term goals[Is it a fragment].

First, long-term goals are those that can be hard to achieve because they tend to require a large amount of time. These goals will not happen quickly, despite how hard you work to accomplish them. Long- term goals are simply a description of what you want for yourself in the future--about three to five years out. As a result, you have to give yourself a reasonable amount of time based in your best effort that it will take to accomplish them. For example, complete a Bachelor Degree in Science. It means that in order to get a Bachelor Degree in Science, you will need to spend many years in an institution of higher education.

Second, intermediate-term goals are those that will not happen quickly, but may not take too many years to accomplish. These goals usually can be accomplished in one to three years in the future and are one of the most important keys to achieving your long-term goals.[Is it a run-out] For example, if you want to be an efficient physician, a necessary intermediate goal will be getting into a medical school first.

Finally, short-term goals are those that take a short time to realize. These goals are easily to accomplish because you do not need to spend too many years in order to achieve them. For example, John wants to buy a new radio. Short-term goals are steps towards your intermediate- term goals. This means that if you want to accomplish your intermediate-term goals, you have to break them down into smaller pieces of short-term goals. For example, getting into a medical school requires a high grade point average.[Should I abbreviate it(GPA)?]

A goal is a process to think of anything you want to accomplish and ultimately acquire it. Short-term goals can be achieved quickly. Moreover, intermediate-term goals will not happen quickly, but might not take a lifetime to accomplish them. Finally, long-term goals will take many years to realize them. No matter what your goal is, you have to work hard to achieve the results you desire.

Thanks,
Pilita

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

pilita,

Overall, I think you are progressing well.

On your essay, you spend too much effort in the first paragraph giving the reader a dozen definitions of "goal". Pick one definition and use it. The reader just wants one easy-to-understand definition.

Goals can vary so differently, so a good idea is to break them down in three terms of time: long-term goals, intermediate-term goals, and short-term goals[Is it a fragment].

No, sentence is technically fine. I would rewrite it though as follows:

Goals can be classified into three time frames: short, intermediate, and long. Short term goals are those goals that should be achieved within X months. Intermediate goals should be accomplished within Y months, and long term goals should be accomplished after Y months.

Usually when we write, we start small and get bigger. Or we start with things that will happen soon and then discuss things that will happen later. You do the opposite. You start with long-term goals and then work your way to short-term goals. I would reverse the order.

Also, you state that long-term goals are harder to achieve because more effort/time is required. Longer terms goals might not require much effort. They simply exist in the future. The level of difficult or effort does not necessarily change because of the length of the goals.

Those are my comments. Hope it helps.

MountainHiker

Pilita · Answer

Hi MountainHiker! I rewrote my essay with your suggestions, but I still have some questions that you will find troughout my essay. If you have more suggestions let me know them please.
Thanks,
Pilita

The Meaning of Goals
What does a goal mean? According to Shous Ajam, author of Management- The Life Wizard, a goal is a systematic process to think of anything you want and ultimately acquire it. Because of this, I personally believe that a goal is a wish of achieving something. In addition, achieving a goal depends in how much effort and dedication you put from your own into it. Goals can be classified into three terms of time: short, intermediate, and long-term goals. Short-term goals are those goals that should be achieved within one year. Intermediate-term goals should be accomplished within two or three years, and long- term goals should be accomplished after four or five years.(I WOULD LIKE TO REPLACE “ SHOULD BE ACCOMPLISHED” BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW)

First, short-term goals are those that take a short time to realize. These goals are easily to accomplish because you do not need to spend too many years in order to achieve them. For example, John wants to buy a new radio. Short-term goals are steps towards your intermediate- term goals. This means that if you want to accomplish your intermediate-term goals, you have to break them down into smaller pieces of short-term goals. For example, getting into a medical school requires a high grade point average.(DO I HAVE TO CAPITALIZE GRADE POINT AVERAGE?)

Second, intermediate-term goals are those that will not happen quickly, but may not take too many years to accomplish. These goals usually can be accomplished in two to three years in the future and are one of the most important keys to achieving your long-term goals.[Is it a run-out] For example, if you want to be an efficient physician, a necessary intermediate goal will be getting into a medical school first.

Finally, long-term goals are harder to achieve because more time is required. These goals will not happen quickly, despite how hard you work to accomplish them. Long- term goals are simply a description of what you want for yourself in the future--about four to five years. As a result, you have to give yourself a reasonable amount of time based in your best effort that it will take to accomplish them. For example, complete a Bachelor Degree in Science. It means that in order to get a Bachelor Degree in Science, you will need to spend many years in an institution of higher education.

A goal is a process to think of anything you want to accomplish and ultimately acquire it. Short-term goals can be achieved quickly. Moreover, intermediate-term goals will not happen quickly, but might not take a lifetime to accomplish them. Finally, long-term goals will take many years to realize them. No matter what your goal is, you have to work hard to achieve the results you desire.

MountainHiker · Answer

The Meaning of Goals

What [is a goal?] According to Shous Ajam, author of "Management - The Life Wizard", a goal is a systematic process to think of anything you want and ultimately acquire it. I personally believe that a goal is [simply?] a wish of achieving something. In addition, achieving a goal depends [on] how much effort and dedication [is expended]. Goals can be classified into [three time frames]: short, intermediate, and long. Short-term goals are those goals that should be achieved within one year. Intermediate-term goals should be accomplished within two or three years, and long- term goals should be accomplished after four or five years.

[What happens if you are in high school and want to become a surgeon? 10+ years? It doesn't fit your categories.]

(I WOULD LIKE TO REPLACE “ SHOULD BE ACCOMPLISHED” BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW)

[Me neither. I don't see an easy way to change your sentence without making major changes.]

First, short-term goals are those that take a short time to realize. These goals are [easy] to accomplish because you do not need to spend too many years in order to achieve them. For example, John wants to buy a new radio. Short-term goals are steps towards your intermediate-term goals. This means that if you want to accomplish your intermediate-term goals, you have to break them down into smaller pieces of short-term goals. For example, getting into a medical school requires a high grade point average.(DO I HAVE TO CAPITALIZE GRADE POINT AVERAGE? NO)

[What happens if you are training as an athlete and want to win a gold medal in the next Olympics? It might be a short-term goal, but still very difficult. It might even be impossible. I don't think time and difficulty have any correlation.]

Second, intermediate-term goals are those that will not happen quickly, but may not take too many [how many is many??] years to accomplish. These goals usually can be accomplished in two to three years in the future and are one of the most important keys to achieving your long-term goals.[Is it a run-out, no because you use "and".][1] For example, if you want to be an efficient physician, a necessary intermediate goal will be getting into a medical school first.

Finally, long-term goals are harder to achieve because more time is required.[2] These goals will not happen quickly, despite how hard you work to accomplish them. Long-term goals are simply a description of what you want for yourself in the future--about four to five years [or 10-20 or maybe more]. As a result, you have to give yourself a reasonable amount of time based in your best effort that it will take to accomplish them. For example, complete a Bachelor's Degree in Science. It means that in order to get a Bachelor's Degree in Science, you will need to spend many years in [university].

A goal is a process to think of anything you want to accomplish and ultimately acquire it. Short-term goals can be achieved quickly. Moreover, intermediate-term goals will not happen quickly, but might not take a lifetime to accomplish them. Finally, long-term goals will take many years to realize them. No matter what your goal is, you have to work hard to achieve the results you desire.

Notes:

[1] Your logic here is weak. Let's see your goal is to win an Olympic medal. But first you plan to win your city championship in swimming, next your plan to win the state championship, and then the country and final the Olympics. Your city championship might be a near term goal, but if you don't win it, nothing else matters.

[2] What happens if your long term goal is to merely exist on the planet by the time you are 45 years old. As long as you are living, it will happen. No effort is required. So I don't think time and difficulty are related.

MountainHiker

Pilita · Answer

Thank you MountainHiker for your suggestions!

Sincerely,
Pilita
The Meaning of Goals

What is a goal? In the article “Magic of Goal Manifestation” by Shoun Ajani, a goal is defined as a systematic process to think of anything you want and ultimately acquire it. Because of this, I personally believe that a goal is a wish of achieving something. In addition, achieving a goal depends on how much effort or dedication is expended. Goals can be classified into three terms of time: short, intermediate, and long-term goals. Short-term goals are those goals that should be achieved within one year. Intermediate-term goals should be accomplished within two to three years and long- term goals should be accomplished after five to ten years or maybe more.

First, short-term goals are attainable within the near future. They are goals that you do not need to spend many years in order to achieve them. For example, John wants to buy a new radio. Short-term goals are steps towards your intermediate- term goals. This means that if you want to accomplish your intermediate-term goals, you have to break them down into smaller pieces of short-term goals. For example, getting into a medical school requires a high grade point average.

Second, intermediate-term goals are those that will not happen quickly, but may not take a long time to accomplish. These goals are usually accomplished in two to three years in the future and are one of the most important keys to achieving your long-term goals. For example, if you want to be an efficient physician, a necessary intermediate goal will be getting into a medical school first.

Finally, long-term goals need a bit more time and dedication. These goals will not happen quickly, despite how hard you work to accomplish them. Long- term goals are simply a description of what you want for yourself in the future—within five to ten years or even more. As a result, you have to give yourself a reasonable amount of time based in your best effort that it will take to accomplish them. For example, complete a Bachelor's Degree in Science. It means that in order to get a Bachelor's Degree in Science, you will need to spend many years in university.

A goal is a process to think of anything you want to accomplish and ultimately acquire it. Short-term goals can be achieved quickly. Moreover, intermediate-term goals will not happen quickly, but might not take a lifetime to accomplish them. Finally, long-term goals will take many years to realize them. No matter what your goal is, you have to work hard to achieve the results you desire.

MountainHiker · Answer

The Meaning of Goals

What is a goal? In the article “Magic of Goal Manifestation” by Shoun Ajani, a goal is defined as a systematic process to think of anything you want and ultimately acquire it. Because of this, I personally believe that a goal is a wish of achieving something. In addition, achieving a goal depends on how much effort or dedication is expended. Goals can be classified into three terms of time: short, intermediate, and long-term goals. Short-term goals are those goals that should be achieved within one year. Intermediate-term goals should be accomplished within two to three years and long- term goals should be accomplished after five to ten years or maybe more.

[You've undone many of the suggestions and changes I have already made to the first paragraph. Your logic and syntax does not make sense. I dislike constantly repeating myself.]

First, short-term goals are attainable within the near future. They are goals that you do not need to spend many years in order to achieve them. For example, John wants to buy a new radio. Short-term goals are steps towards your intermediate- term goals. This means that if you want to accomplish your intermediate-term goals, you have to break them down into smaller pieces of short-term goals. For example, getting into a medical school requires a high grade point average.

[When you put a dash "intermediate-term" there is no space. Your logic is somewhat flawed. Sometimes a short-term goal is the end point. There is no following intermediate goal.]

Second, intermediate-term goals are those that will not happen quickly, but may not take a long time to accomplish. These goals are usually accomplished in two to three years in the future and are one of the most important keys to achieving your long-term goals. For example, if you want to be an efficient physician, a necessary intermediate goal will be getting into a medical school first.

Finally, long-term goals need a bit more time and dedication. These goals will not happen quickly, despite how hard you work to accomplish them. Long- term goals are simply a description of what you want for yourself in the future—-[double dash is required with NO spaces]within five to ten years or even more. As a result, you have to give yourself a reasonable amount of time based [on] your best effort that it will take to accomplish them. For example, complete a Bachelor's Degree in Science.[prior sentence is not a command, so it doesn't make sense] It means that in order to get a Bachelor's Degree in Science, you will need to spend many years in university.

A goal is a process to think of anything you want to accomplish and ultimately acquire it. Short-term goals can be achieved quickly. Moreover, intermediate-term goals will not happen quickly, but might not take a lifetime to accomplish them. Finally, long-term goals will take many years to realize them. No matter what your goal is, you have to work hard to achieve the results you desire.

MountainHiker I need you help with this essay(ESL erros)

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