Mountain climbing

Question

Here are two paragraphs written by different students have been rewritten by me. Please give me a correction. Thanks!

(1)
The Wang family drove their car and planned to go hiking in the mountains last Sunday morning. When they got there, they saw a plenty of leftovers, plastic bags and used bottles scattering everywhere on the ground. Because they could not endure seeing this mess, they started to pick up all the piles of litter into a trash can. Finally, they were happy to see the environment became cleaner.

(2)
The Wang family drove their car and planned to go mountain hiking last Sunday. When they arrived there, they were angry to see a plenty of garbage everywhere. They thought “We can’t believe it. Here is in a terrible mess.” For the sake of environmental sanitation, they decided to clean up the mess. They picked up the trash and put it in a big plastic bag. After that, they were glad the place became clean. It’s really everyone’s business to keep the environment clean.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

contiluoPlease give me a correction.

Please give me corrections.

contiluoThe **** family drove their car and planned to go hiking in the mountains last Sunday morning.

This is awkward. One person drives a car at any, particular time. Not more than one, so, it can't be a family at the same time. The use of "planned to" is odd because it means an intention to do something in the future. It would be better to rewrite this as: The **** family got in their car and went hiking in the mountains last Sunday morning.

Is it clear to whoever you are writing this for, which mountains you are referring to? Have you already established that in a context? If not, you should mention which mountains. For example: The **** family got in their car and went hiking in the Black Mountains last Sunday morning.

contiluoWhen they got there, they saw a plenty of leftovers, plastic bags and used bottles scattering everywhere on the ground.

When they got there, they saw plenty of leftovers, plastic bags and used bottles scattered everywhere on the ground.

contiluothey started to pick up all the piles of litter into a trash can.

they picked up all the piles of litter and put them into a trash can (or bin http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/trash-can , choose one of the underlined parts.).

contiluoFinally, they were happy to see the environment ~~became~~ cleaner.

Afterwards, they were happy to see the environment cleaner.

Contiluo · Answer

Here is another paragraph written by the other student as follows. However, I'm not sure whether the underlined parts are correct or not.

The **** family went hiking in the mountains by car last Sunday. When they arrived there, they saw a lot of bottles, cans, and plastic bags scattered all around the ground. They were really angry to see the mess, so they decided to do their bit for the environmental sanitation. Then they picked up the garbage and put it into the trash bin. Afterwards, they cleaned up the ground. Although they were tired, they were very happy to see the environment cleaner.

Anonymous · Answer

contiluoThe **** family went hiking in the mountains by car last Sunday.

The underlined part is poor. It would be better as: The **** family got in their car and drove to the mountains to go hiking, last Sunday morning.

As mentioned in a previous reply, you should establish which mountains you are talking about, otherwise, how is whoever reads your text going to know? You wrote "the mountains" which means that you are referring to some in particular. You could mention which ones in another sentence, before you get to this one, or; you could mention them in this sentence, as was done in the example mentioning the Black Mountains, in a previous reply.

If you don't want to mention which mountains, you can rewrite it as: The **** family got in their car and drove to some mountains to go hiking, last Sunday morning.

contiluoscattered all around the ground.

This is clumsy and would be better as: scattered on the ground.

contiluoso they decided to do their bit for the environmental sanitation.

The underlined part is okay but, the yellow part is not. It would be better as: so they decided to do their bit for the environment.

contiluoThen they picked up the garbage and put it into the trash bin.

There are a few mistakes here. You have not mentioned a particular bin so, you should use a instead of "the".

Writing "trash bin" is unnatural and does not make sense. It seems that your student mixed up trash can and bin. Trash can is used in the English spoken in the USA, while bin is used in the English spoken in England and the rest of the UK. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Waste_container http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/trash-can and http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/bin

You and the student should choose one of those terms, instead of mixing them up.

The word "trash" is used in the USA and not, normally used in the UK where the word rubbish http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/rubbish is the norm. Whichever kind of English you use, it would be better to use it consistently in the same writing or speech, instead of mixing the two.

contiluoAfterwards, they cleaned up the ground.

This is the same thing that was in the previous sentence so, this is unnecessary. It can be deleted.

Anonymous · Answer

contiluo(2) The **** family drove their car and planned to go mountain hiking last Sunday.

The **** family got in their car and drove to the mountains to go hiking, last Sunday.

contiluoWhen they arrived there, they were angry to see a plenty of garbage everywhere.

When they arrived there, they were angry to see a lot of garbage everywhere.

contiluo“We can’t believe it. Here is in a terrible mess.”

“We can’t believe it. Here is a terrible mess.”

contiluoFor the sake of environmental sanitation,

For the sake of the environment,

contiluoAfter that, they were glad the place became clean.

After that, they were glad that the area was clean.

contiluoIt’s really everyone’s business to keep the environment clean.

While possible, this is awkward. It would be better as: It’s everyone’s responsibility to keep the environment clean.

Mountain climbing

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