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Nyneve Posted 18 years ago
Letter Writing
Motivational Letter - Looking for criticism
Hello,
I've written a rough draft of a motivational letter to a college I would like to apply for. I would greatly appreciate any advice on ways to improve it. A friend of mine suggested it was a little dry and I should get more creative with it. Would that be a wise choice with this type of letter? Thank you in advance for any help.
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is XXXX. I am an American citizen living in the Netherlands, and I would like to apply for the Bachelor’s program in Economics with the XxxXx. I want to work in a global environment to make an impact on our society. Studying Economics will provide me the best background for doing so. Studying at XxxXx will be an excellent start to my global career since it is located at the heart of an international community.
I have always enjoyed being socially active and have done so by volunteering my time with many different non-profit agencies. My most rewarding experience occurred during high school when I volunteered to clean up the Los Angeles River. During the course of our clean-up we came upon a shopping cart stuck in the ground that also happened to be wrapped around a tree. It was during the process of removing the shopping cart that I learned the value of teamwork, perseverance, and my ability to think with an analytical mind to solve a problem.
I have moved to many different areas, but moving to Holland has proven to be the biggest test of my ability to adapt to my surroundings. Not only was I moving to a new country where I had no prior knowledge of the language or culture, but I was also a new mother. With a confident, clear plan that I put in place prior to moving I am now working on passing the NT2 state exam while also attending to a toddler with success.
Living in the Netherlands has fueled my desire to work with an international company. The freedom to be able to go grocery shopping in Germany, spend a weekend in Paris, or go skiing in the Swiss Alps is exhilarating. Learning about different nationalities and viewing life from their point of view is fascinating to say the least.
Of all the business courses I took at college while living in the United States, I found the theories in Economics to be the most interesting. With them I understood why Wal-Mart was capable of flourishing in America’s failing economy, and why gas prices will always continue to be high. I also learned how bittersweet globalization can be when I saw NAFTA’s effect on the American working class compared to its effect on those living in Mexico.
I wish to study Economics more in-depth and apply my knowledge to improve my world around me. I firmly believe that not only will I be capable of adapting to the ever changing global economy, but I will also excel at it due to my strong preference for problem solving and analysis.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
XXXX
I've written a rough draft of a motivational letter to a college I would like to apply for. I would greatly appreciate any advice on ways to improve it. A friend of mine suggested it was a little dry and I should get more creative with it. Would that be a wise choice with this type of letter? Thank you in advance for any help.
Dear Sir or Madam,
My name is XXXX. I am an American citizen living in the Netherlands, and I would like to apply for the Bachelor’s program in Economics with the XxxXx. I want to work in a global environment to make an impact on our society. Studying Economics will provide me the best background for doing so. Studying at XxxXx will be an excellent start to my global career since it is located at the heart of an international community.
I have always enjoyed being socially active and have done so by volunteering my time with many different non-profit agencies. My most rewarding experience occurred during high school when I volunteered to clean up the Los Angeles River. During the course of our clean-up we came upon a shopping cart stuck in the ground that also happened to be wrapped around a tree. It was during the process of removing the shopping cart that I learned the value of teamwork, perseverance, and my ability to think with an analytical mind to solve a problem.
I have moved to many different areas, but moving to Holland has proven to be the biggest test of my ability to adapt to my surroundings. Not only was I moving to a new country where I had no prior knowledge of the language or culture, but I was also a new mother. With a confident, clear plan that I put in place prior to moving I am now working on passing the NT2 state exam while also attending to a toddler with success.
Living in the Netherlands has fueled my desire to work with an international company. The freedom to be able to go grocery shopping in Germany, spend a weekend in Paris, or go skiing in the Swiss Alps is exhilarating. Learning about different nationalities and viewing life from their point of view is fascinating to say the least.
Of all the business courses I took at college while living in the United States, I found the theories in Economics to be the most interesting. With them I understood why Wal-Mart was capable of flourishing in America’s failing economy, and why gas prices will always continue to be high. I also learned how bittersweet globalization can be when I saw NAFTA’s effect on the American working class compared to its effect on those living in Mexico.
I wish to study Economics more in-depth and apply my knowledge to improve my world around me. I firmly believe that not only will I be capable of adapting to the ever changing global economy, but I will also excel at it due to my strong preference for problem solving and analysis.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
XXXX
Top answer
Hi there, I hope I'll be able to give you some advice on that. At first I think the beginning of your letter is a little bit odd. You shouldn't start by telling your name, which will be clear anyway because you sign the letter.
- Hi there, I hope I'll be able to give you some advice on that.
- At first I think the beginning of your letter is a little bit odd.
- You shouldn't start by telling your name, which will be clear anyway because you sign the letter.
- The second point is, that in my view, you're going into too much detail with the Los Angeles River Clean-up thing.
- I`d prefer to name the activity, shortly summarize what you did and which abilities you gained or proved by doing it.
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2 Answers
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Hi there,
I hope I'll be able to give you some advice on that. At first I think the beginning of your letter is a little bit odd. You shouldn't start by telling your name, which will be clear anyway because you sign the letter.
The second point is, that in my view, you're going into too much detail with the Los Angeles River Clean-up thing. I`d prefer to name the activity, shortl
I hope I'll be able to give you some advice on that. At first I think the beginning of your letter is a little bit odd. You shouldn't start by telling your name, which will be clear anyway because you sign the letter.
The second point is, that in my view, you're going into too much detail with the Los Angeles River Clean-up thing. I`d prefer to name the activity, shortl
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Hello,
Thanks for your help. I agree with my name in the beginning. It's going to be all over the place. I'm sure they'll know who I am by the end of my application.
Thanks for your help. I agree with my name in the beginning. It's going to be all over the place. I'm sure they'll know who I am by the end of my application.
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