Motivational Letter for Msc Finance - I need some help

Hi guys!
I'm currently trying to write a motivation letter for several master programs (Finance) in Germany.
I will be glad if you could tell me your opinion on my current result.
I have corrected this letter several times. I tried my best to avoid vagueness, be straight to the point and show my strengths. This is very important for me as my GPA and GRE results are not that high... On the other hand, I have high IELTS score (8.0), but I'm not sure if I should mention it in this letter.
I will be pleased if you could help.

Here is my latest version:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing you to apply to Master program xxx in xxx University starting in autumn 2015. This program is a concrete step to achieving my goal of becoming a specialist in the sphere of finance and banking.

In 2010 I entered XXX, one of the most selective universities in Russia, and this summer I will graduate with a specialist degree in Finance. Completing the classes with good grades, I always tried to gain knowledge outside the compulsory program. When I was a third year student, I developed the interest in the UK and provided a throughout analysis of its taxation system in the term paper, which was graded in top 10% term papers of my class. Another passion I discovered was International Financial Reporting Standards. In my diploma thesis I will investigate use and implementation of these standards in commercial banks and I am very determined to continue my research in my master thesis.

I am proud of my achievements in the course "Doing Business in the European Union" of Hoschule Bremen that I took in summer 2013. During course "Doing Business in the European Union" of Hoschule XXX that I took in summer 2013, I could put in use my strong skills in communication, leadership and ability to work in team as many tasks included group assignments and class discussions. I enjoyed being a part of multinational group, when working on the final project. Our presentation received the highest score in the class as we successfully analyzed the business environment of the XXX GmbH located in Bremen. Furthermore, during my stay I had a chance to participate in a cross-culture module, where I gained knowledge of live in Germany, its culture, traditions and economy.

As the working experience is vital for me, in summer 2014 I joined International Financial Reporting Standards Unit of XXX Bank Russia as a trainee. While participating in composition of semiannual financial reporting of the Bank, I learnt to work under pressure, while keeping attention on detail and showed my analytical and mathematical abilities, as well as decision making skills. A couple of reports that I composed were later used in final version of the reporting. Due to my advanced level of English language, I completed a project of translation and adaptation of several holding company’s policies on my own, which demonstrates my versatility in the professional field and accuracy, when working on new assignments. Finally, I was the first trainee in the history of XXX Bank to be offered a paid position in the International Financial Reporting Standards Unit for the summer period, after completing my second internship during writing my diploma thesis.

Having reviewed several graduate programs with professor XXX from XXX Academy (name of my university here) and with the professionals from the banking sphere, I believe that program XXX will help me to achieve my goals. I want to study in University XXX because of your outstanding educational program, your excellent facilities and experienced professors. With many distinguished professionals working as tutors, I am confident that I will gain expert knowledge in the finance sphere and will be able to continue my research of the International Financial Reporting Standards.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,