Motivational letter

Question

Hi, I am applying to a M.A. and I would like you to help me to correct some grammar mistakes...Thanks in advance

To whom it may concern,

I would like to apply to the Master’s program in European Culture in support of my career objective of conducting a research on migration and integration of the Asian diasporas in Europe, giving special focus to large groups such as Turkish, Chinese and India . I aspire to investigate how these groups ,have been facing , through history until nowadays acculturation , assimilation and neoculturation processes and other phenomena into the host European countries and how their cultural identities ,specially how they adjust their religious beliefs in their new home.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

I would like to apply to the Master’s program in European Culture in support of my career objective of conducting a research on migration and integration of the Asian diasporas in Europe, giving special focus to large groups such as Turkish, Chinese and India.

Your first sentence is too long, and contains two different ideas: your application and your research plans. I recommend two sentences.

I aspire to investigate how these groups ,have been facing (faring?) , through history until the present day ~~nowadays~~ acculturation , assimilation and neoculturation (?) processes and other phenomena into the host European countries and how their cultural identities ,specially how they adjust their religious beliefs in their new home.

This sentence is too complicated to parse and understand. Perhaps "how these groups have been faring in their process of assimilation over recent history. I would determine in what ways they have influenced their host cultures, and how much of their own cultural identities they have retained, especially regarding their religious beliefs and practices."

Anonymous · Answer

Dear AlpheccaStars,

Thank you for the great help . I changed my letter a bit .
Can you please take a look ?

To whom it may concern,

I would like to apply to the Master’s program in European Culture in support of my career objective of conducting a research on migration and integration of the Asian diasporas in Europe, giving special focus to large groups such as Turkish, Chinese and Indian .( Is it india or indian) .

I aspire to investigate how these groups ,have been experiencing, from Antiquity to modern times, different cultural phenomena associated to Transculturation( ie. acculturation , assimilation ,neoculturation)and how they have been adjusting their cultural identities ,specially their religious beliefs into the host culture .

Thanks again

AlpheccaStars · Answer

I would like to apply to the Master’s program in European Culture in support of my career objective of conducting a research on migration and integration of the Asian diasporas in Europe, giving special focus to large groups such as Turkish, Chinese and Indian. (India is the country; Indians are the people who live there. Indian is an adjective - I like Indian food.)

I aspire to investigate how these groups , (no comma) have been experiencing, from antiquity (no capitalization) to modern times, different cultural phenomena associated with transculturation (no capitalization) ( ie. acculturation , assimilation ,neoculturation) and how they have been adjusting their cultural identities ,specially their religious beliefs into the host culture.

I have a problem with adjusting ... into
Do you mean adapting to?

I also have a problem with the present perfect continuous used with a time period spanning antiquity. Present perfect continuous is used for very recent, continuing events. If you are going to study past cultural migrations, then use the simple past. Antiquity means a historical period of time before the fall of Rome in 476. I have no idea if there are sources for Turkish and Chinese migrations to Europe (of if they occurred) that early in history.

Kameloso · Answer

Hi and thank you again. How can I explain I want to research from antiquity until present times? Im really having a bad time with that .Can you pls also check the rest of the letter? Thank you a lot .

To whom it may concern,

I would like to apply to the Master’s program in European Culture in support of my career objective of conducting a research on migration and integration of the Asian diasporas in Europe, giving special focus to large groups such as Turkish, Chinese and Indian.

I aspire to investigate how these groups have experienced, from antiquity to modern times, different cultural phenomena associated with transculturation (i.e. acculturation, assimilation, neoculturation ) and how they have been adapting their identities ,specially their religious beliefs to the host culture .

My vocational purpose is to work in the solution of issues regarding the integration of minorities, centering on the development and awareness of Intercultural Competence with a Transcultural approach.

Background

I completed my undergraduate studies on Portuguese/Spanish Translation and Portuguese Language at ^^^^University in ---, where I was awarded a B.A. degree in Portuguese with a major in Teaching Portuguese as a Foreign Language with high distinction.

By the time I graduated from University, I got a job on a cruise ship in Europe where I was exposed to hundreds of people everyday. They spoke different languages and dialects and I often had to resolve conflicts and differences as a result of cultural misunderstanding. I learned to understand how different people who are well intentioned and rely upon their customs can misinterpret another’s communication and intent.

For many years I worked for GFK (Gesellschaft für Konsumforschung) an international research company and I travelled across the country interviewing and collecting data of people. Education, politics, delinquency, ethnicity, religion and lifestyles were some of the numerous issues covered in the interviews. I was learning how to interact with countless culturally different groups and individuals. This experience motivated me to acquire more skills in order to make “intercultural communication”, successful.

I studied languages in order to be competent in communication and I learned others on the way. My first language is Spanish and I speak fluent Portuguese. Moreover, I can communicate in English , French and Portuguese and I have basic understanding of Danish and German.

Expectations

Within a globalized era, there are many topics I would like to study such as “ethnocentrism”, due to the fact that I’ve been constantly wondering what we could do in favor to unite each other and co-exist regardless our culture, background or beliefs. Do we need to acquire a bicultural, multicultural, or a universal approach? Transculturality seems to be the answer to this question since a “transcultural perspective” benefits us to understand how that culture we identify with our own was embodied through history and during present.

My strong interest in pursuing my studies at XXXX comes from deep within, from the learning that all these multicultural experiences shaped through the years on myself, from longing to make a contribution in the history of co-existence. Because I am an immigrant in Europe and I understand clearly my own culture is not only confined to where I was born, but it is the result of a great number of cultural relationships and entanglements from before I was brought to life and from what I have lived so far. Furthermore, I am highly acquainted with the Asian people who have relocated in Europe. I know what they go through since I interact with them in daily life and because my experience as a 3^rd world immigrant relates to theirs.

I am aware this interdisciplinary approach (transculturality) would support the acquisition of a better understanding of methods and theories, and that the multidisciplinary environment, interaction with people from different disciplines and freedom would help me to understand different fashions of working which I can integrate to my working style during this M.A. program.

To conclude, I am truly confident I can become a real asset to the program due to my international background and experience regarding culture.
Aditionally, I am convinced that my fellow students and educators would benefit from my passion, broad-mindedness and perseverance.
Thank you for considering my application and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully,

AlpheccaStars · Answer

kameloso How can I explain I want to research from antiquity until present times?

When we talk about antiquity, we are not referring to modern people, but much older civilizations such as the Hittites, Babylonians, Sumerians, Minoans, Indo-Aryans and so on. Do you want to include these civilizations in your research? During this time, Europe was occupied by Neolithic tribes and other peoples, not modern-day Germans, French, Italians, Hungarians, Norwegians, and so forth.

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