Motivation Letter to University

Question

Hi,can anyone, please, check  my motivation letter to university and give me some advice?I am applying for part time HNC course and university requires aprox. 200 words - reasons for choosing the course, challenges facing you in your studies and personal career development.This is my letter, the first version (176 words so far)...:Dear Sir or Madam:I am applying to your part time HNC in Construction course starting in September 2011. My career ambition is to become a skilled professional in the construction industry.Although I am not working in the construction at the moment, I am very interested in the subject and I am improving my previous knowledge and experience by studying short distance learning courses such as quantity surveying, AutoCAD and construction technology.  Your course will be great challenge for me, because I believe that it will help me to advance in my career and get desired position in the industry. I am confident that the London South Bank University has an excellent construction courses. I choose your HNC course, because it best meets my goals and aspirations of furthering my qualification and career. I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of both my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained from my previous employments.Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.Sincerely yours,xxx zzzz

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Hi Filip;

Welcome to the Forums!

Your letter is OK, but as it is, it won't do much to get you in the door.

You don't make any statement that is backed up by specific examples. Your statements are vague generalities. There is nothing you say that will make you stand out from all the other applicants.

You probably will think I am being unkind and overly critical, but it is only to make you think and make your letter a successful entry ticket to your future education and career. You have to pretend you are an evaluator and have a hundred letters from applicants to read. Will this one be outstanding compared to the others? Will it motivate me (as an evaluator) to put yours in the "yes" bin or the "thank you very much for your application" bin?

That is the approach I take to reading posters' motivation letters.

Specifics:

My career ambition is to become a skilled professional in the construction industry.

This is really vague. Anyone and everyone who would make an effort to apply for this program wants to be a "skilled professional." Obviously, the pay is better than that of an unskilled labourer.

Your course will be great challenge for me, because I believe that it will help me to advance in my career...

Is that the reason why the course will be challenging? Challenges are difficulties that you must meet and best.

I am confident that the London South Bank University has an excellent construction courses.

You are confident, right, but what makes you so sure? It's just a vague statement of hope and belief, but no facts.

Filip.imramovsky · Answer

Hello,

thank you for a quick reply and also apologies for my late answer:-).

Thank you for advice, it was very helpfull...

I would be happy if you can see version number 2.

I hope it is better, but still I am not sure if it is not too general and vague.

Also I think that some of my statements my be little bit awkward...

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am applying to your part time HNC in Construction course starting in September 2011. My ambition is to gain solid foundation for my further academic and career development. I would like to become skilled technician in the construction industry and possibly continue in studies and become an architect.

Before I came to the UK in 2004, I successfully graduated on the college specialized for construction and gained professional experience in construction companies where I worked as draughtsman and quantity surveyor.
Although I am not working in the construction at the moment, I am very interested in the subject and I am improving my previous knowledge and experience by studying short distance learning courses such as ICS Diploma in Quantity Surveying&Estimating, ICS Diploma in AutoCAD and BTEC National Award in Construction Technology. Your course will be great challenge for me, because I am full time employed in the aviation and I will have to manage both studies and work.

I have done lots of research on your website and on the internet discussion forums about your university and had very positive feedback from your students. I am confident that the London South Bank University has an excellent construction courses. I choose your HNC course, because it best meets my goals and aspirations of furthering my qualification and career.

I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of both my academic and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained from my previous employments.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

Filip Imramovsky

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Hi Filip; Here are some suggestions. You could still make it more specific by adding a very brief description of a memorable experience that caused you to choose your career path.

Dear Sir or Madam:

I am applying to your part time HNC in Construction course starting in September 2011. My ambition is to gain a solid foundation for my further academic and career development. I know that I want a career in the construction industry but need to decide whether to continue my schooling and become an architect.

Before I came to the UK in 2004, I had successfully graduated from a college specializing in construction and gained professional experience in construction companies where I worked as draughtsman and surveyor. Although I am not working in the construction at the moment, I am very interested in the subject and I am improving my previous knowledge and experience by studying distance learning courses such as ICS Diploma in Quantity Surveying & Estimating, ICS Diploma in AutoCAD and BTEC National Award in Construction Technology. Your course will be great challenge for me, because I am full-time employed in the aviation industry and I will have to manage both studies and work.

I have done lots of research on your website and on the internet discussion forums about your university and had very positive feedback from your students. I am confident that the London South Bank University has excellent courses which will give me confidence in a career decision. I chose your HNC course, because it best meets my immediate goals and aspirations of furthering my qualifications. I am sure to exceed your expectations, because of my academic record and interpersonal skills as well as the experience gained from my previous employment.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours,

Filip Imramovsky

Filip.imramovsky · Answer

Hello,

thank you for reply.

AlpheccaStarsYou could still make it more specific by adding a very brief description of a memorable experience that caused you to choose your career path.

do you mean for example something like: When I was 13 my father took me to his atelier and I was very impressed by his work so I decided to follow his footsteps.

and this sentence would start second paragraph....

Otherwise is the letter Ok? I am not sure if i can write more as they are asking for approx 200 words and it is already 300 words...

AlpheccaStars · Answer

filip.imramovskyOtherwise is the letter Ok? I am not sure if i can write more as they are asking for approx 200 words and it is already 300 words...

If they ask for a 200-word limit, then you have to cut.

Otherwise, they might believe that you have trouble following directions. There are repeated ideas in your letter. There you will find the opportunity to cut words.

Be parient - these letters are very challenging, and take a lot of work.

Chimaju Bruno Oparaocha · Answer

pls can anyone help me correct this letter,am applying for a master degree in educational psychology and am asked to write a motivation letter of not more than 200 words why i want to study at the university.please lend me your time and read.

dear sir/madam

i am a nigerian citizen,and i would like to apply for a master degree in educational psychology in the faculty of education at university of johannesburg.i am intrested in this program as deeper knowledge of educational psychology will certainly help my future career. as i want to gain a solid background in educational psychology.

i graduated in science education(physics)in june 2010 from the university of abuja nigeria.my degree focuses on physics teaching.i had the opportunity to teach in anglican secondary school gwagwalada abuja during my teaching practise while in school in my third year.

last year i gained employment in nigeria after my studies to teach under aged children,it was quite difficult for me ,i came to recognise that my knowledge of how to handle different kind of students are somewhat limited.which is why i would like to study these further to have an intense knowledge on how students learn and develop and also to act as a counsellor and teacher to my students.

fortunately with my graduated bachelor in physics education degree,i believe i will maintain my good level of teaching if i further my studies in educational psychology.

with a solid foundation in academic theory on subjects and empirical research gained through the master degree in educational psychology in the faculty of education section at university of lohannesburg,i am confident that i will have the skills,knowledge and contacts that will enable me pursue a career as a teacher and counsellor.

thank you very much for considering my request .i look forward to your positive response.

yours faithfully

edem okon

Motivation Letter to University

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