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Cinali Posted 21 years ago
Letter Writing
Motivation letter that certainly needs corrections
Hi all,
pls help me with some corrections and advices for this motivation.
Subject: SAP FI/CO Junior Expert
Date: 28 January 2005
Dear Mister/Madam,
I write to you in response to the job advertisement published at ‘xxx’ internet site for the above mentioned vacancy.
I was already interested in how to use IT-tools for business processes during my study busi-ness administration at the University of Maastricht interested in. From this interest, I have followed a ‘system engineering with specialisation SAP’ education at xxx in coop-eration with the IT company xxx. xxx had paid all the education costs. However after the education period there were not enough assignments to apply the acquired knowl-edge and skills in practice. For this reason I left this company by mutual agreement, although I had a contract for one year. Hereafter I started a second restaurant with my brother.
However, my ambitions and interests are in the ICT and that is also the reason that I want a career in this sector, especially SAP. In this vacancy, I see the ideal opportunity to use my SAP knowledge and apply this knowledge in a real working environment.
Furthermore, within this vacancy I see the chance for further personnel development. The special interest, ‘love’ for SAP origins also from the pleasant experience and internationa work atmosphere, which I had at xxx.
Because of my restaurant background I do work a lot with people. I have almost a second nature to adapt myself as well as to my colleagues as to the clients. I adapt myself easily to new situations and can make very easily contact with others, also according to my field man-ager at xxx. My communicative skills make it for me possible to instruct others easily, and in the right way. This is also the reason that I am the person who instructs new colleagues at my current job.
If you find me a suitable candidate for a position within your firm, I shall be most happy to discuss further details during an interview at a time convenient to you.
Kind regards,
Enclosures: Curriculum Vitae
pls help me with some corrections and advices for this motivation.
Subject: SAP FI/CO Junior Expert
Date: 28 January 2005
Dear Mister/Madam,
I write to you in response to the job advertisement published at ‘xxx’ internet site for the above mentioned vacancy.
I was already interested in how to use IT-tools for business processes during my study busi-ness administration at the University of Maastricht interested in. From this interest, I have followed a ‘system engineering with specialisation SAP’ education at xxx in coop-eration with the IT company xxx. xxx had paid all the education costs. However after the education period there were not enough assignments to apply the acquired knowl-edge and skills in practice. For this reason I left this company by mutual agreement, although I had a contract for one year. Hereafter I started a second restaurant with my brother.
However, my ambitions and interests are in the ICT and that is also the reason that I want a career in this sector, especially SAP. In this vacancy, I see the ideal opportunity to use my SAP knowledge and apply this knowledge in a real working environment.
Furthermore, within this vacancy I see the chance for further personnel development. The special interest, ‘love’ for SAP origins also from the pleasant experience and internationa work atmosphere, which I had at xxx.
Because of my restaurant background I do work a lot with people. I have almost a second nature to adapt myself as well as to my colleagues as to the clients. I adapt myself easily to new situations and can make very easily contact with others, also according to my field man-ager at xxx. My communicative skills make it for me possible to instruct others easily, and in the right way. This is also the reason that I am the person who instructs new colleagues at my current job.
If you find me a suitable candidate for a position within your firm, I shall be most happy to discuss further details during an interview at a time convenient to you.
Kind regards,
Enclosures: Curriculum Vitae
Top answer
Ok, a few quick pointers for you. Why are you putting in strange hyphenations: busi-ness, coop-eration, knowl-edge, man-ager and any others I failed to spot? Sentence one: drop the final 'interest in' Why second restaurant with your brother?
- Ok, a few quick pointers for you.
- Why are you putting in strange hyphenations: busi-ness, coop-eration, knowl-edge, man-ager and any others I failed to spot?
- Sentence one: drop the final 'interest in' Why second restaurant with your brother?
- Just say you opened a restaurant with your brother.
- you need to put across your skills and suitability more strongly and more clearly.
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3 Answers
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Ok, a few quick pointers for you.
Why are you putting in strange hyphenations: busi-ness, coop-eration, knowl-edge, man-ager and any others I failed to spot?
Sentence one: drop the final 'interest in'
Why second restaurant with your brother? Just say you opened a restaurant with your brother.
you need to put across your skills and suitability more
Why are you putting in strange hyphenations: busi-ness, coop-eration, knowl-edge, man-ager and any others I failed to spot?
Sentence one: drop the final 'interest in'
Why second restaurant with your brother? Just say you opened a restaurant with your brother.
you need to put across your skills and suitability more
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Dear Nona,
I did copy paste from Word. thats because these strange hyphenations.
I thank u for your advice, and when i have changed this letter i would send it to you.
Ali (turkish but living in the netherlands)
I did copy paste from Word. thats because these strange hyphenations.
I thank u for your advice, and when i have changed this letter i would send it to you.
Ali (turkish but living in the netherlands)
00
Hello
Yes, yes yes.. It is an very good letter!! Ofcourse I would have done it much better, but yours is ok.. Let me pu it this way.. it's acceptable.
But!! it is not polite to react to an job advertisement while you still work at my place! I have got to talk to you.. Drs. A. Beytut!
But ofcourse I love you.. Your my uncle..
See you soon,
Kinds r
Yes, yes yes.. It is an very good letter!! Ofcourse I would have done it much better, but yours is ok.. Let me pu it this way.. it's acceptable.
But!! it is not polite to react to an job advertisement while you still work at my place! I have got to talk to you.. Drs. A. Beytut!
But ofcourse I love you.. Your my uncle..
See you soon,
Kinds r
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